If I Fall Along The Way
by runningaroundthelemontree
Summary: This is set just after the Greys Anatomy season 7 finale. Even though season 8 has started in America I have decided to continue my story as it travels down a different path to that taken by the show. So I hope you read and enjoy
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hello, this is my first Greys Anatomy fic so it is just an experiment but I hope it goes alright. It is set just after the season 7 finale.**

**Also the prologue is Merediths voice over. The prologue is bits of her previous monologues sthroughout the show so I do not take any credit for that. However, it gives a taste of what is to come and I will hopefully post the first chapter soon.**

**Prologue**

_**At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines… that are way too dangerous to cross. But we have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.**_


	2. Chapter 1

"Meredith, I am sorry," Dr Weber sighed. "The board met yesterday. They feel that a suspension would not do justice to the crime, and would send a wrong impression. They feel that what you did disgraced the hospital, the medical profession."

"What are you saying?" Meredith asked straightening up in her chair.

"I'm sorry I did everything I could," Dr Weber paused. "You're fired." Meredith breathed in deeply, she knew it was coming, yet she couldn't believe it. "You are no longer a surgeon at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. Effective immediately."

* * *

><p>Meredith had cleared out her locker, she didn't really feel anything. She supposed it hadn't really set in yet, it was all too surreal. She knew what she did was technically wrong but she believed it was morally right, after all it was Adele. If she had to, she would do it again. She could even understand Derek's anger, but he doesn't see things the way she does. Everything is black and white to him, there is only right and wrong and a thick line that separates the two. <em><strong>Honestly, <strong>_she thought, he should just get over it already. What ever happened to sticking by the ones you loved even through the hard times? And with Zola it only made things more complicated. Perhaps if he knew that they had temporary custody, maybe he would ease up.

"Meredith," Christina stressed running up to Meredith. "What happened?"

"They – They fired me." She said, staring blankly into the nothingness.

"What? No."

"I don't work here anymore."

"No Mer. You're a surgeon this hospital is your life." Meredith didn't reply. A beeper went off on Christina's waist, she looked at it quickly. "Shit." She looked up at Meredith, her face pale and blank. "Mer, I–" Meredith nodded slightly, she understood.

* * *

><p>Christina tied up her trauma gown as she met the others outside to meet the Ambulances. They heard the sirens as the ambulance pulled around the corner.<p>

"What have we got?" Owen asked as the doors of the ambulance opened. The paramedics pulled the patient out of the ambulance. The other doctors gathered around to assist with the gurney.

"Eight year old female, head trauma to the right the right side," the paramedic said as she jumped out of the ambulance behind the gurney.

"Where are the parents?" Doctor Bailey asked.

"Here," said a young girl of about 19 as she pushed through the crowd of Doctors to where Bailey stood. Her eyes were red and puffy stained with her tears.

"Are you the mother?" Bailey asked, thinking she was a bit too young.

"No," she shook her head. "She's my sister, I was looking after her." She craned her head to see, but she had already been wheeled into the hospital. "Is she going to be alright?" the girl panicked.

"I need you to calm down." Doctor Bailey said. "Can you do that for me?" The girl nodded. "Good, what's your name?"

"Katie," she whimpered.

"Alright Katie, everything will be okay," she reassured her. "I just need you to answer some questions for me." Katie nodded. "What is your sister's name?"

"Ellie"

"Can you tell me what happened?" asked Bailey. Katie whimpered.

"It's my fault."

"How is that?"

"We were fighting, she was screaming at me. She wanted to go to a friends or something, I can't really remember now. But I didn't let her. She got really angry and started screaming at me. I tried to grab her to stop her from screaming but she ran away and she—"Katie burst into a fit of sobs. Bailey placed her hand on her reassuringly. Katie wiped her eyes. "She tripped on a toy she'd left in the corridor and fell down the steps." She sniffled. "If I hadn't been fighting with her this wouldn't have happened."

"It isn't your fault," Bailey reassured her. "Don't worry we'll take care of your sister. But in the meantime you should call your parents and let them now." Katie nodded and Bailey disappeared into the hospital.


	3. Chapter 2

Meredith walked slowly through the halls of the hospital, trying to capture its memories. The full extent of her morning was beginning to kick in, and the possibility, that maybe this was real began to arise.

"Derek?" Meredith called out in surprise. She had not seen or heard from her husband in five days, leaving numerous messages on his phone, which to none he had replied. And yet, here he was casually standing at the nurses' station filling out a patient chart.

"Look Meredith, I can't talk right now. I have a surgery," Derek said as Meredith rushed up to him.

"They fired me." She looked to Derek for guidance.

"What did you think would happen?" He replied coldly, before striding off, in a silent fury. Meredith gaped after him, she couldn't believe it. She knew he was still mad, but she had not expected that reaction. He was so cold and emotionless as if he no longer cared. _**Could this be it?**_ She thought. _**No, I am being ridiculous, **_she shook her head to clear the thought.

* * *

><p>"You paged me Dr. Bailey?" Derek asked solemnly as he entered the x-ray room.<p>

"Yes," Bailey answered as she slid some x-ray onto the light screen. "I want you to take a look at this patient." Derek stepped forward to examine the x-rays.

"Wow," he breathed..

"Ellie Mitchel's, eight years old came in with a head trauma to the right side after falling down the stairs."

"We're lucky she did," Derek frowned. "She is like a ticking time bomb." He ran his fingers along the x-ray to further examine it. "I can't believe how massive that tumour is." Bailey nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p>Katie lifted her sister's hand softly so that it she could it in hers. She noticed how soft and smooth her hands were, the unscathed hands of a child. "Will she be ok?" Katie asked as Christina entered the room, examining the girl's chart.<p>

"It's too soon to tell," Christina said without looking up from the chart. "Her surgery went well, we managed to stop all of the internal bleeding. We will have to wait for the brain scan results before we can give the all clear." Christina looked up, seeing the girl's solemn face she smiled awkwardly before exiting the room. _**How did this happen? **_She thought toherself, she had replayed the moment in her head so many times.

"I am so sorry," she whimpered stroking Ellie's face.

"Ellie?" A loud voice came from around the corner.3

"Mum?" Katie jumped up suddenly from beside the bed. A confused and frazzled woman rushed in. She seemed awkward and clumsy, her hair frizzy and her hand bag dangling roughly around her arm.

"Oh," she gasped throwing her hands in the air. "Ellie, my baby." She rushed over to the bed where her daughter lay peacefully. "What's happened to you my darling?" she said as she pulled a chair up beside the bed. She stroked her arm softly, staring intently at her sleeping face.

"What did you do?" She hissed. Katie didn't answer. "I trusted you with my baby." She shook her head. "Now look what you have done."

"Mum please," She whimpered. Her mother glared at her, her eyes were powerful and she could feel her gaze passing through her. She began to tremble and quiver in her spot.

"Get out." Her mother said burying her head in her hands.

"What?"

"Get out! Get out!" She yelled standing up. Katie's eyes filled with tears and she ran out of the room. Her mother stared after her, before crumbling into her chair.


	4. Chapter 3

Meredith stood, watching as the hospital doors closed in front of her. It was all becoming real to her. Her actions, the trial, Zola, the last few months. She stared at the doors of the hospital, her home for the previous seven years. She stumbled backwards, her hand reaching down to grab the nearby bench which she then collapsed into. She just sat there staring at the hospital with nothing but her own thoughts. She had never felt more alone than she did right now. It was as if the doors closing, was the closing of a part of her life, distancing her from the hospital.

"Hey," Cristina said glumly as she sat down next to Meredith on the bench. "Where's Zola?" She asked. "You haven't lost her already have you?" Meredith let out a slight smile at Christina's pathetic attempt of a joke.

"No, she's with Callie." She paused, "I think." Christina was silent. "Are you alright?" Meredith already knew the answer. Christina shrugged. "Are you still getting rid of the baby?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure that's what you want Christina?" Cristina was silent.

"I don't want to be a mother," she said finally. "I want to be a surgeon."

"And is that what Owen wants?"

"No." She buried her head in her hands. "He wants me to keep the baby."

"Have you even considered what he wants?"

"Of course I have. But this isn't his decision."

"Well, he is the father" Meredith protested.

"This isn't about what he wants." Christina fumed jumping out of her seat "He isn't the one who has to give everything up."

"You're exaggerating Cristina, you are overestimating how much you will actually have to give up for this baby." Meredith knew there was more to her decision than Cristina let on. But she did not want to protest while Christina was in this state.

Christina looked to Meredith, "why are you defending him? You're supposed to be my person."

"I am not defending him."

"Oh you are so defending him."

* * *

><p>"Mrs. Mitchel?" Derek asked as walking into his patient's room. The woman stood up, shaking Derek's hand. "Hi, I am Dr. Shepard I will be your daughter's neurosurgeon."<p>

"Neurosurgeon?" she asked. "I thought she fell down the stairs, why would she need a neurosurgeon?."

"She did, but that has allowed us to discover that your daughter has a large tumour between her frontal and parietal lobe, in her brain."

"A tumour?" she gasped nearly falling back onto her chair.

"I understand this is a lot to take in so suddenly, but Ellie has the best of care here, all the doctors and nurses at Seattle Grace are marvellous."

"How soon can you remove the tumour?" Mrs Mitchell asked shakily.

"I can schedule her in for surgery later this afternoon." The woman nodded, gripping her daughter's hand tightly. "There is just some paperwork that you need to fill in," Derek continued.

* * *

><p>"Cristina!" Meredith's voice travelled down the stairs. Cristina was eating her cereal dinner, the only thing that didn't make her sick.<p>

"Cristina!" Meredith's voice came again. Cristina proceeded to ignore her.

"Cristina, I need you!" Cristina sighed, stomping up the stairs as to make her aggravation blatantly known.

"What is it?" she asked stepping into Meredith's room. The room was a mess, there was dirty cloths and baby powder everywhere. Meredith was struggling with a naked screaming Zola. "Oh My God, what happened here?" she asked referring to the chaos.

" I can't get Zola to hold still long enough to put on her diaper." Meredith panted as she tried to pin Zola down.

"What do you want me to do?" Cristina asked begrudgingly.

"Can you just like hold her down, while I try to her diaper on her." Cristina groaned as she walked over to help Meredith.

"You know," Meredith said as did up a screaming Zola's diaper, "I think I am really getting the hang of this." Cristina was shocked.

"How can you say that? Meredith you're a mess."

"Yeah, I know," she agreed. "But, I guess that's the half of it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you just have to hope that despite all the mistakes and chaos that it will all come together." She paused standing Zola up to check her handiwork. " And I suppose in a way it has, I mean I am much better at this than I was yesterday and the day before."

"But how can you be so sure that you are going to be a good mother."

"I'm not sure, I guess you can never be sure." Meredith nursed Zola she had finally stopped screaming and looked as if she was finally falling asleep. "Is this why you don't want to keep the baby?" Meredith asked. "Because you think you will be a bad mother." Cristina was silent.

"I don't know." She answered finally. "I guess it's part of it."

* * *

><p>Derek took off his scrub cap as he entered his office . It had been a long night. His surgery had gone well. Very well actually. Upon seeing the x-rays he had not expected to be able to remove the entire tumour in one go. Once he had got in, the surgery was a lot simpler than anticipated. Still, the whole time he couldn't help but think of Meredith. Perhaps, he had been too harsh. He was still extremely angry and was not ready to forgive her but was it ok for him to leave Meredith to care for Zola alone. He took out his phone dialling Meredith number. He let it ring for a second before changing his mind and hanging up.<p>

**_I hope you enjoyed this chapter._**

_**Please review as to whether Cristina should keep **_**the baby or not. Most reviews will be what I write into the story.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Here is the next chapter for you all. I apologise for the delay, I have been busy.**

**A/N Ok, so I have decided it is the next day, because you know it can't just be one day forever. **

**Also I hope you like it. I was worrying a bit about the other characters, I thought that I should probably delve into their lives a bit. However, because of that this chapter has ended up rather chunky. So ****REVIEWS**** on how this chapter has worked out would be greatly appreciated. Also don't forget to ****REVIEW **as to whether **CRISTINA SHOULD KEEP THE BABY OR NOT. **

**Note: I just realised half way through this chapter that Arizona is not the girl's doctor. I apologise for that. Maybe I decide she is away. Yes, she can be sick.**

Cristina walked down the familiar route. She hadn't planned on it, but she just needed to clear her head in a way that it could only do. She pulled open the heavy door. The sound of the vent room filled her ears. It was a welcoming sound, one she had not heard in a long time.

"Oh." Cristina noticed her husband standing over the vent as his troubles washed away. He looked up as she entered. "Sorry, I didn't – I'll just be going." She turned to leave.

"Cristina, wait." She turned, as he walked towards her.

"Owen?" she asked hopefully as his body came close to hers.

"When's your appointment?" Cristina let out a disappointed sigh.

"Next Monday." She replied solemnly, he merely nodded. As he moved towards the door his body closed in around Cristina, she could feel his warm breath on her neck. She dearly hoped he would move into kiss her. But he just sighed before pushing past her.

* * *

><p>"Hey Lexie," Avery placed a chart on the nurses desk before proceeding to kiss his girlfriend on the cheek.<p>

"Mmmhmmm" she seemed disconnected from the conversation. Staring off at something in the distance.

"So I was thinking tonight," Avery began as he leaned against the nurse's counter, "how about we go out for dinner. Escape Meredith and the screaming baby for a while. And then maybe – You know…" Lexie didn't reply still preoccupied. "Lexie?" Avery woke her out of her daze. He followed her line of sight to where Mark stood, conversing with a few fellow doctors. "I don't believe it." Avery shook his head in disbelief as walked off.

"No, Avery wait." Lexie called after him.

* * *

><p>"Owen," Cristina said as she burst into his office.<p>

"Dr. Yang, it is not appropriate of you to barge into my office like this."

"I love you." She blurted out ignoring his remark. Owen was silent. "I love you so much." She waited for his response. Nothing. "I just, I need to know if this will be the end of us?"

"Cristina."

"No. I need to know. If I do this, if I terminate the pregnancy will our relationship be over?" She waited for his reply.

"I love you Cristina." Owen began. "I really do, and I don't want this to be the end for us. But, I just don't know if I will be able to forgive you." Cristina stood motionless at the door, as his words stirred in her mind. Owen casually returned to his paperwork, it wasn't until a few minutes later that he looked up noticing Cristina had not moved from the doorway. "You need to leave now."

* * *

><p>"Karev!" April's angry voice floated into the room.<p>

"Kepner, I am with a patient." Alex answered innocently.

"Yeah my patient." She dragged Alex out of the room.

"What's your point?" Alex asked coolly once they were in the hallway and away from patient ears.

"I am your Chief Resident Karev, and I assigned you to the pit. So why have you stolen my patient?" April said rather loudly, now that they were out of ear shot of the patient.

"Oh come on Kepner, do you actually think you have any real power over the residents. You may be chief resident, but do you actually think we listen to you?." Karev laughed.

"But I thought –" April began sadly.

"Just give it up Kepner." Alex interrupted, before walking off.

* * *

><p>Alex Karev leaned against the nurses' station as he filled in a patient chart.<p>

"What's wrong with you?" He asked casually as Cristina angrily searched through a pile of charts. She didn't reply. "So what, are you ignoring me now?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. You sold out my best friend, making her lose her job and her husband. Meredith was the only person in this hospital who still had a shred of respect for you. So yes, I am ignoring you." She said coldly as she found her chart and stormed off.

"Something's up her ass."

* * *

><p>"Katie?" Doctor Bailey asked, seeing Katie in the waiting room. " Katie quickly wiped away her tears with her sleeve, hoping Bailey wouldn't notice. "You know your sister's surgery went well Katie? You should go in and see her. I'm sure she'd like that." Bailey added that last bit with a smile. Katie shook her head. "What's the matter Katie? Your sister would love to see." Bailey had seen the girl was sad before, but she did not want to pry.<p>

"Maybe later," She lied.

"Alright then, just make sure you do." Bailey knew Katie was lying but there was nothing more she could do. She stood up, nodding Katie goodbye she made her way towards Ellie's room. She had been on her way to check up on her when she had come across Katie in the waiting room

"Good morning Ellie." Dr. Bailey said cheerfully as she strode into the room.

"Morning" she said hoarsely with a smile. She had not been awake long, so understandably her mouth was a little dry.

"How are we today?" Dr. Bailey asked flipping through her charts.

"She didn't eat much this morning. Only what mouthfuls I forced her to eat. Is it weird that she hasn't got much of an appetite." Her mother answered for her. Bailey was used to the neurotic parents who always answer their children's questions. As if they know how they are feeling. Bailey put on a smile as she looked up from her chart.

"Yes, Mrs. Mitchel's. " Bailey answered. "Everything is normal. She is still a bit groggy, but I expect her appetite will back up just in time for dinner." Bailey wasn't use to the way you had to talk to patients and their families in Paediatrics. It wasn't that she was bad at it or she didn't like it. In fact she did like it, she was going to go into paeds once but when something goes wrong it's all too sad for her.

"Oh good," Mrs Mitchel's gave a sigh of relief.

"I know it's not my place to say, but I think it would be good for Katie to see that her sister is doing fine." Bailey hadn't planned on saying anything. After all it wasn't her place, but she couldn't fight the urge to speak up.


	6. Chapter 5

**Hello people. I hope you are all enjoying my story so far, here is the next chapter for you all. Don't forget to ****REVIEW, ****I really like reviews, good or bad, they make me happy, and so you should ****REVIEW ****lots. Also keep ****REVIEWING ****on whether ****Cristina should keep the baby or not****. I am not sure, but I think this is the last chapter before we find out what happens with that, so get your reviews in.**

"Katie?" Katie looked up, her eyes swollen from tears. "I'm sorry I yelled at you." Her mother sat down next to her, leaving a seat between them. It wasn't that far between them, but the distance felt immensely greater than the reality. Katie was silent. "I know it wasn't your fault, and I am sorry for blaming you. I was just so worried about Ellie." Katie didn't blame her mother for yelling at her, she could understand she was frightened it just- I guess it just upset her, making it feel like it really was her fault.

"I understand mum." She smiled slightly. Her mother moved in, closing the gap between them she flung her arm around her waist and pulled her into an embrace, the Seattle sky setting behind them.

* * *

><p>"Oh sorry," April said as she walked in on a gloomy Avery in the on-call room. He looked up as she entered.<p>

"No it's fine," he said casually, motioning for her to sit down. She entered closing the door behind her, before releasing a deep sigh and falling back onto the bed. "Rough day?"

"Yeah." She closed her eyes, as she lay silently on the bed letting her thoughts slip away from her. Neither one of them spoke for a while. They just sat in the company of their silences.

"Lexie still loves Mark." Avery was the first to break the silence. He had always known that Lexie still had feelings for Mark, and he supposed it was understandable. But, it was beginning to come between their relationship.

"All the residents hate me." April said after a minute, sitting up.

"They don't all hate you. They are just jealous because you got chief residency." April smiled. It had been a long time since she had felt like somebody cared. A long time since she had felt listened to. She moved closer to him, she had hardly noticed she had done so. Avery, noticing her shift in movement turned to face her. Their face only centre metres apart, he could feel the warmth of her breath. He moved in closer, her sweet scent intoxicating him, inviting him closer. He could almost hear their hearts beating simultaneously. It was all happening so fast, he hardly had time to think things through. April's lips brushed across his, only slightly and for a second, as if to give him a taste for what was to come.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, pulling back as she realised what she had done. Avery disregarded this and leaning forward he began to kiss her more passionately. April was stunned for a moment, before proceeding to return the kiss. Their bodies came together and as April lifted off his shirt, he could feel the soft curving's of her body, tracing along them with the palm of his hand. Her head lay down softly on the pillow as his body slowly enclosed hers.

* * *

><p>Meredith stared over edge of the hill, into the darkness of the Seattle night. She noticed the grass beneath her, cold, and wet from dew. Her ass was wet from sitting on the grass. She was cold and uncomfortable, having sat there for quite a while. It came as a shock when she at last heard the sound of engine as halted to a stop. The car door opened and then slammed shut. She supposed he had not noticed her sitting in the grass. She did not advocate her presence but listened to the squelch of his boots, as he made his way over to his trailer. The footsteps stopped suddenly.<p>

"Meredith?" Meredith rose at the sound of his voice. "What are you doing here?"

"I want you to come home."

"I can't" he turned away from her.

"Derek, I need you. Zola needs you." He took a moment's thought before shaking his head and dismissing the thought.

"I just, I can't," he turned back towards her, the hurt evident in his eyes.

"Derek, I am truly, very deeply sorry."

"It's not that simple," he scowled. "You do not understand that what you did is wrong. So your apologies mean nothing."

"I do not believe what I did was wrong," she agreed. "But I am sorry for ruining the trial for you."

"UGH" Derek threw his head back in aggravation. "NO. If you were sorry for messing up the trial, you would know that what you did is wrong."

"I'm not like that Derek, you knew that when you married me. I do not see things as simply black and white like you do."

"I feel like this is just the same argument over again." Meredith didn't know what to say. There was truth in his words, but what was she to say to that.

"Derek?" she asked softly.

"I just – I don't know," he breathed, before opening the trailer door and leaving Meredith to stand alone in the darkness.

**Hi Ok, that is the end of that chapter, I apologise it is rather short but oh well. I don't really know what happened with this chapter. It all seemed to come out that way and I am not sure that some of the choices made were the best. I am very worried about that whole Avery, April scene, I have no idea how that got there, but it is there now so deal with it. I suppose I thought that something scandalous should happen so there it is. It may not work or you may not like it but it is there now so try and make your peace with it. **

**Anyway as I have said many times, but I will say again ****REVIEW! ****Otherwise I will cry. So unless you want me to cry you should review :-) good people. ALSO I need lots more reviews about Cristina's pregnancy because I hate making decisions. So, make the decision for me about what to do with Cristina's pregnancy in a review :-). **

**Thanks for tuning in people. **


	7. Chapter 6

**Hi people, sorry this update has taken so long, I have been busy, and my internet is being annoying. Anyways, here it is for you all to hopefully enjoy. Remember to keep ****REVIEWING****! **

"Ugh," Cristina moaned as the clock turned five, the alarm screeching persistently in her ear. She begrudgingly rolled over, slapping the snooze button in annoyance. She tried to bury her head in her pillow, burrowing deeper into the entanglement of her blankets. She did not want to wake up. She did not want to wake and face the forthcoming events of the day. Today was the day of her appointment. It had come so fast. The clock turned five O' five and the piercing screech of her alarm began once again. Cristina moaned again, throwing her blankets off in a fit of rage. She hit the off button. No change. She hit it again, this time with more force. The screeching continued. Cristina jumped out of bed and angrily ripped the alarm cord out of its socket. The screeching stopped. Cristina let out a frustrated sigh, before collapsing back onto her bed and closing her eyes.

"Cristina!" Meredith's voice came loudly into the room, as she frantically knocked on the door. Cristina groaned.

"I'm getting up," she lied.

"Cristina."

"I am, I swear." She rolled over, making herself more comfortable.

"Cristina!" There was a thud as Meredith burst through the door.

"Go away," Cristina whined into the pillow. Meredith's eyes fell to her the sunken figure of her friend. She sighed, before crawling into bed next to Cristina.

"I know," she said solemnly as she examined the cracks in the ceiling. "I know what it's like." Cristina was silent. "When you crawl into bed and never want to wake up."

"Mmmhhm" Cristina murmured. "I remember." And she did remember. She remembered the time she had to physically kick Meredith out of bed. But that was beside the point. She just wanted this one time, one time that she could roll over and bury her troubles in the comfort of her blankets.

"You have to get up Cristina." Meredith nudged her encouragingly. "Lying here forever is not going to make your problems go away."

"Oh, what would you know?" Cristina threw her pillow angrily at Meredith.

* * *

><p>"Avery," Lexie ran to catch up with Avery at the elevator. He gave her a brief look before dismissively retracting his gaze. "Avery," she followed him into the elevator.<p>

"It's fine." He said coldly. "We don't have to do this."  
>"Avery," she pulled him around to face her. "I loved Mark, and feelings like that don't just disappear."<br>"What are you saying?" Avery asked, unable to find the point of her little speech.

"It's over between me and Mark, you have to know that." Lexie looked at him expectantly. He said nothing. The elevator buzzed and the doors drew open. "I love you." Lexie smiled giving him a quick kiss before scurrying off. As the doors began to shut, April squeezed through, entering the elevator.

"Jackson." She acknowledged his presence.

"April." They stood in awkward silence for what seemed like hours.

"Avery, about last night…" she began.

"So you agree?" he interrupted. "We should just forget it ever it happened." Her heart sunk at his words. She had somehow known the words were coming. Of course he would go back to Lexie. She was just a mistake. It wasn't supposed to happen. She nodded somewhat unconvincingly but Avery didn't seem to notice. The elevator buzzed and the doors drew open.

* * *

><p>"You know I've been thinking." Meredith began. "It doesn't make much sense. Izzie cut Deny's L-VAD wire and stole an organ, all she got was probation. I would love to go on probation." She looked at Cristina's emotionless face as she filled in a form. "It doesn't make sense right? I switch some drugs around and I get fired."<p>

"Maybe they're just sick of all our shit." Cristina spoke at last.

"Cristina!"

"Oh, just shut up Meredith." Cristina was right. It wasn't about her this was about Cristina. She was here for Cristina, she had to remember that.

"Sorry," she whispered.

Cristina stared blankly at the clock on the wall. She listened to its slow impounding tick. _Tick, tick, tick, _the clock mocked her. Her heart began to beat heavy, the realisation of the moment hitting her hard like a blow to the stomach.

"I'm scared." She gulped to supress the upcoming feeling. Meredith said nothing, gently touching Cristina's hand. She turned away from Meredith, not wanting to show the doubt in her eyes. "I don't want to lose him Mer."

"Owen?"

"I just I – I can't" she stood suddenly clasping a hand to her mouth, she hurried out of the room.

"Cristina?" Meredith called after her.

Meredith held Cristina's hair back as she vomited into the bin.

"You don't have to do this you know." She said once Cristina was finished. Cristina breathed in the fresh air, trying to clear her head.

"No." she said to herself shaking her head. "I just, I can't."

* * *

><p>Owen removed his scrub cap with a sigh of relief as he left the OR.<p>

"That was close, Owen," Teddy said as she too took off her scrub cap. "Nice work Dr Hunt." She gave him an encouraging nudge as a she pushed past him. He was relieved the surgery had gone so well, but even so he could not be happy. Not today. His mind roamed to Cristina, perhaps he was being selfish to ask her to keep the baby. No. _It wasn't just that, _he thought to himself. Cristina didn't even involve him in the decision. There was no discussion. _Is it too much to ask to have a say? _Surely he wasn't in the wrong for wanting to be involved in the matter of his unborn child. He opened the door to his office. Still, he missed Cristina and longed for her warm body next to his and night. He leaned back in his chair, running his fingers through his rugged hair. He was so consumed in his thoughts he hardly even noticed the opening of his office door. Cristina stood in the doorway, she didn't speak, she just stood. She stared intently at him examining the intricate features of his face.

"Cristina?" Owen spoke in surprise. "What are you doing here? I thought you had your –" He couldn't bear to say it.

"I think life changes you." She said thinking. "I think life changes you, and you don't know until the time for change comes."

"What are you saying Cristina?" His heart began to melt. He walked towards her only a small distance between them now.

"I couldn't do it. I can't do it."

"We are having a baby?"

"Alright, whatever." She said casually as she turned to leave. Owen caught her by her arm and pulled her into a tight embrace. And a slight, barely noticeable smile stretched across her face.


	8. Chapter 7

_**Sorry it has taken so long for an update, I have been on holiday. Anyway, here is the next chapter.**_

_**Please continue to **__**REVIEW.**_

"Shit, shit, shit," Cristina burst into the room.

"What time is it?" Meredith groaned as she struggled to sit up.

"I don't know, one or something." Meredith rubbed her eyes looking around the room, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness.

"You told Owen then."

"Yes."

"So what's the problem? I thought this was what you wanted."

"It was." Cristina settled herself into Meredith's bed. "It's just, now that I have told him there's going back. I don't know." She shook her head. "It's like none of this was real until I agreed. Until I told Owen." She looked to Meredith expectantly. "This is the part where you say something. As my person you are inclined to say something."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know, something. Say what I would say to you, if you were me."

"Alright." Meredith nodded, thinking for a moment. "Stop whinging. You made your choice and now you have to deal with it. You can't go back now Cristina. You just think that it is the wrong decision because you are afraid. It's ok to be afraid Cristina, it's a big step." Meredith turned to Cristina. "How did I do?"

"Your impression of me wasn't very good. It came out too much like you."

* * *

><p>Lexie held Avery's hand as they walked out of the elevator together. Lexie laughed at Avery's comment, as they walked over to the nurses' station. Lexie shuffled through some charts.<p>

"I have to go, I am on Hunt's service today." She gave Avery a brisk kiss before walking off. "I'll talk to you later," she called back. Avery turned back to the nurses' station laughing to himself as he too shuffled through some charts.

"Hey Avery, I need you in the pit today with Karev." April said as she came up to the nurses' station.

"Alright, whatever." Avery replied coldly.

"What are you doing?" April became serious.

"Filling out charts."

"No. I mean with us. Why are you speaking to me like this? You were the one who said we should just forget about."

"And we have."

"Avery we slept together, and you can't even acknowledge me. You can't even still be my friend." She paused. "I thought we were friends." She said sadly.

"We were." He shook his head. "We are." He corrected himself. April shook her head before storming off silently.

Mark stood silently at the nurses' station his head buried in a chart. April stormed passed him. Mark didn't look up, a slight smile stretching across his face.

* * *

><p>"Well I have to go to work." Cristina announced as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "I'm hoping to get on Cardio today." Her eyes rolled over Meredith. She was still in her pyjamas, with a cup of coffee in her hand; she casually flicked through the newspaper in front of her. "And what are you planning to do today?"<p>

"Actually, today I am going to get a job." Cristina gasped almost dropping her cup of coffee. "I think that it's time I moved on. I have to face the fact that I am not going to get my job back."

"Don't be ridiculous," Cristina scoffed. "The chief has to give you back your job sooner or later."

"I'm not sure if I want it back. Maybe I am not meant to be a surgeon anymore."

"Now you're just being stupid. Surgery is your life. It's our life. And if the chief doesn't give you your job back then you can get a job at another hospital."

"No." Meredith turned the page of her newspaper. "I think that I need change. For now, at least. I mean I have Zola now, I have a daughter. My husband is… I don't even know where, and I lost my job. I just – I need this change." Cristina sighed, feeling sympathetic for her slightly pathetic friend.

"Alright then, what were you thinking?" She begrudgingly gave in to hear Meredith's thoughts.

"Well…" Meredith smiled. "Perhaps a garbage collector, I hear they get paid very well."

"HAHA very funny." Cristina said sarcastically.

"Or, what about a checkout chick?" Cristina scoffed.

"Oh please Meredith, you as a checkout chick."

"What? I would be a great checkout chick. And I think it would be very good for me. I would get to have lots of positive conversations with people."

"You're not being serious are you Meredith?"

"Of course, I mean why not? It would be easy, 'hello', 'have you got anything special planned for the weekend?', 'Do you have an everyday rewards card?'"

"Oh god, I think I am going to be sick. " She began to move towards the bathroom.

"That's because you're pregnant! Not because of my job ideas." Meredith called after her.

"I'm not so sure."

* * *

><p>Cristina fastened her scrub pants as she hurried down the hospital halls.<p>

"Oh Cristina…" Chief Weber called out as Cristina rushed past him.

"I'm not late, I'm not late."

"No not that Yang."

"Oh?" Cristina stopped, turning back towards the chief.

"I um… I wanted to… uh how's Meredith doing?"

"How – How is Meredith doing?" She choked. "She is not doing. She is job searching. She has given up. "

"I'm sorry." Richard stole his gaze from Cristina.

"You're sorry?" She turned to walk away in disgust but stopped herself. "You should be sorry. You are just as much at fault as she is. You said it yourself, you pressured her into it. If it wasn't for you she wouldn't have messed with the trial."

"Cristina…"

"No." She interrupted him. "She is my best friend, and I can't do anything to help her."

* * *

><p>"Good morning Teddy." Owen beamed. Teddy looked concerned.<p>

"What's the matter with you?" she asked.

"Nothing, nothings the matter with me, I am great, splendid even."

"Well yes, I can see that. You're all bubbly and happy. It's sickening."

"What's wrong with being happy, we could all stand to be a little happier. Why aren't you happy? I thought everything was going great with you and Henry."

"It is. And I am happy. But you, you are a whole other story." Owen laughed. "Oh have you seen your wife?"

"No. Why?" Owen asked.

"She is supposed to be on my service today. It's not like Yang to be late."

"No. It's not." Owen grinned.

"Alright that's it. Tell me what it is." She slapped her hand down on the table. "Come on, spit it out."

"Cristina's pregnant." He blurted it out, unthinkingly. Teddy looked shocked.

"Cristina? Pregnant really? Congratulations."

"I can trust you not to tell anyone, right? We are trying to keep it on the down low."

"Of course." She said as she strolled off to find Cristina.

Owen continued over to the nurses' station where he preceded to fill in a chart.

"I believe congratulations are in order." Doctor Bailey placed her chart down next to Owen's.

"What?"

"You and Cristina are expecting?"

"Yes, but how did you know?"

"I am Doctor Bailey. I know everything."

* * *

><p>"How many people did you tell?" Cristina asked angrily as she walked up to Owen. "We weren't going to tell anybody yet, remember?" she hissed.<p>

"I know I am sorry."

"How many?" She

"I told Teddy, and Bailey just seemed to know."

"Yeah she does that. But, geez Owen. I tell you I don't want to tell anybody and you go and tell people!"

"Technically, I only told one person. And you told Meredith. So Teddy is the one I get to tell."

"My relationship with Meredith is completely different to yours with Teddy. Meredith is my person!"

"And what do you think Teddy is? We have been through so much together I just needed to tell her." Cristina sighed.

"You're right I'm sorry. It's just, if I am going to do this, we need to do it my way. I know that makes me sound horrible but I am so scared and…" Owen hushed her pulling her in closer he stroked her hair.

"I know. We are all scared."

_**Hope you enjoyed. I will hopefully have another chapter up soon.**_


	9. Chapter 8

_**Hello people. Long-time no post. I considered not continuing the story seeing as season 8 has already begun. But then I was like "to the hell with it." Besides it hasn't started in Australia yet so I am going to write it anyway.**_

_**Ok moving on. Some time has passed in the story since my last post so you should note that and umm, yeah. Don't forget to **__**REVIEW **__**because otherwise I will be sad and cry.**_

"Oh good god," Cristina moaned. "I look like a bloody whale."

"A sexy whale," Owen laughed, blinking to adjust his eyes to the morning light.

"Oh no," she turned away from the mirror. "You did this to me. You do not get points for flattery."

Owen laughed pulling her back onto the bed.

* * *

><p>"Okay," Meredith began, "here's her giraffe." She shoved a small toy into Derek's hand. "Diaper bag, and in the side is bottles and..." she thought for a moment draping the bag over Derek's free arm, "and other baby stuff."<p>

"I've got it Meredith," he reassured her, a hint of agitation in his voice.

"Okay, okay," she nodded stepping back to admire the view. She wished she could take a picture. Savour the sweetness of the moment before it turned sour.

"Meredith," Derek's voice interrupted her thoughts. "You have to know this doesn't mean anything." He looked down a Zola who rested on his arm, playing with his coat pocket. "I'm doing this for her." Meredith's heart sank at his words. She began to feel the sadness as it filled her heart, she had thought that maybe, just maybe he had forgiven her. Maybe they could be a family, at last. Meredith, Derek and Zola. _Yes, _she thought. They would be happy. But most of all she felt angry. He was being ridiculous. It had been months and months since the incident. She liked to refer to it as the 'incident' so she didn't have to think about it or remind Derek when they were fighting about or something. _Surely _she thought he would have forgiven her by now. How long could he stay angry at her for? Personally she thought he was exaggerating the incident a bit too much. He was carrying on about it like a child. Like it was this big deal or something. He forgets she did it all for Adele and the Chief like it means nothing.

"Of course," she faked a smile, hiding her disappointment. It was best to remain calm and happy looking outside, it didn't matter if she was dark and twisty inside. "Okay," she smiled leaning forward to kiss Zola. "Bye baby," she waved to her as Derek carried Zola out. She sighed shutting the door behind him.

* * *

><p>"Wow Cristina, you're huge!" April exclaimed as Cristina waddled down the hospital halls, Meredith at her side.<p>

"It's because I'm pregnant," Cristina scowled.

"I know."

"God she's so annoying," Cristina whined to Meredith as they moved on.

"She's not that bad. You're just moody because you're like pregnant and stuff." Cristina glared at Meredith. "It's ok you're allowed to be." Meredith added quickly before Cristina bit off her head. "So I saw Derek this morning." She changed the subject.

"And?"

"Nothing, really nothing. He just took Zola and left. I expected something though. But no. Nothing. Was I wrong to expect something?"

"No. You've apologised Mer. He should just get off his bloody high horse and stop acting like a little bitch."

"Cristina!"

"What?" she asked irritably.

"Should you even be at work, you're all grouchy and horrible. You know, I'm not sure I like pregnant Cristina."

"Well I'm not sure I like you." Cristina snapped. Meredith laughed, shaking her head.

"You love me."

* * *

><p>"Karev!" Owen shouted across the ER gesturing towards the bloody patient he was wheeling across the floor.<p>

"Yeah?" Karev asked running up beside Owen.

"I need you on my service today." Karev gave an exasperated sigh.

"Yeah alright," he said at last as followed Owen into one of the ER rooms.

"Quickly Karev, stop standing about I need more gauze," he shouted as he packed the woman's wounds. Karev blindly looked around the room for the gauze, seeing it he grabbed it quickly and preceded to help Owen.

"What the hell happened?" Karev asked as he eyes scanned over the woman's body.

"Her husband beat her to a pulp."

"Geez one man made this mess."

* * *

><p>"Uh Lexi," Mark began as he caught up to Lexi on her way to the elevator.<p>

"Yeah?" she said as she spun around to face him.

"Can I have a minute," he motioned towards some seats.

"I don't really have time, I'm on my way to meet Avery for lunch. But if you talk quickly." Mark sighed biting his tongue. He couldn't tell her. No, he just couldn't do that to her. He loved her too much to break her heart. He had been pondering telling Lexi for months and finally deciding to do it, he couldn't. "Mark?" her voice broke his thoughts. He shook his head.

"No. It's nothing."

* * *

><p>Avery pushed April away.<p>

"I can't. I'm sorry I can't do it anymore." He ran his fingers through his hair as he pushed past her.

"Then why do you keep coming back to me?" It was cramped in the linen closet and she was close to him she could almost feel his warmth washing over her.

"I don't know." He rested his head on the door.

"What do you want?" She asked her voice rising. "What am I to you?"

"I don't know!" He yelled at her slamming his hand into the door. April backed into the shelf.

"Don't worry about me then. I won't bother you anymore. You just go back to Lexi and play happy boyfriend."

"I didn't mean –" he started.

"Just forget it." She interrupted. She wiped her eyes, pushing past him and going through the door, closing it behind her.

* * *

><p>"Nice work Karev," Owen said admiring of Karev's stitch work.<p>

"Thank you sir." He smiled behind his mask. "Shit," he looked at the monitor as he heard that familiar beeping sound.

"What did you do?" Owen asked pushing him aside.

"I don't know, she just coded."

"Damnit," Owen exclaimed as he tried to repair the holes. "Karev! I need another pair of hands in here."

* * *

><p>"Jackson," Lexi called out as he rounded the nearby corner. He stopped turning to face her. "Are you avoiding me or something." She smiled leaning in to kiss him. He turned his head, shielding himself from her kiss<p>

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Lunch."

"Oh right. Sorry I forgot."

"You forgot?"

There was silence and then a long loud beep.

"Come on," Owen began compressing the woman's chest. "You can't die. You can't give him that satisfaction." He whispered.

"Dr Hunt," Karev began.

"No. Don't, don't say it. If we just keep her heart going she can make it." He turned to the screen, waiting, hopeing.

_**Anyway that's the end of that chapter. I don't know about it. But whatever.**_


	10. Chapter 9

_**This chapter is with thanks to mcDreamy's intern97 who gave me the idea. So I hope you all enjoy. And also you have to review. **__**REVIEWS **__**are good.**_

Owen through his scrub mask angrily at the wall, it fell limply into the bin. Owen proceeded to scrub his hands furiously as Karev walked through the door, throwing his scrub mask in the bin as well.

Karev scrubbed the soap on his hands and partially up his arms. He turned to look at Owen whose brow was furrowed.

"I'm sorry we lost her."

"You did good work in there Karev."

"Thank you sir."

"You were right Karev. There was nothing we could do, there was too much bleeding." Alex nodded as he wiped his hands dry, leaving Owen alone in the scrub room.

* * *

><p>"Zola." Zola turned to face Derek. Her eyes lit up, a smile stretching across her face. She giggled throwing her giraffe to hit Derek in the face. She giggled again clapping her hands in delight. "Was that funny, was it?" He smiled. She tried to grab at Derek's hair, falling forward and rolling over onto her back, legs kicking. "Alright then baby," he said as he scooped her up, "we had better get you back to your mummy before she bites my head off."<p>

* * *

><p>"What the hell is up with you Avery?" Lexie slammed the door shut behind her as she followed Avery into the living room.<p>

"Nothing," he turned to face her, dropping his keys on the nearby coffee table.

"So you've told me," she snapped.

"Then what's the problem?"

"What's the problem?" she repeated in a rather mocking manner. "You don't even look at me anymore. At dinner you barely spoke a word. You won't even touch me." She buried her head in her hands momentarily before looking back up at Avery. "And yet, you look me in the eyes and you tell me nothing is wrong."

"I don't know what to say Lexie. I don't want to hurt you."

"It's a bit late for that." Avery could see the hurt in her eyes. He didn't know what to do, how to make things better. He carefully moved closer to her, stretching out his hand he placed it gently on Lexie's arm. She shrugged him off dismissively. "I think you had better go," she said coldly. He shook his head slightly, picking up his keys before pushing past her and out the door.

"What was that about?" Meredith asked as she stood in the open doorway, Zola resting in her arms. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah," she lied wiping her eyes before facing Meredith. "I'm just going to go out for a while."

"Ok."

* * *

><p>Meredith rolled over in bed, trying to go back to sleep. The crying continued. She sighed rolling out of bed she slowly made her way over to Zola's crib, rubbing her eyes with a yawn.<p>

"What's wrong baby?" She asked almost to herself as she pulled her into a comforting hug. "What do you want?" she asked as she ran her fingers across her face. She stopped. Running her fingers back across the crying baby's forehead. "You're hot," she whispered. "Poor Zola" she said as she rocked her in her arms. _You're very hot, too hot, yes, no. I don't know. I should know. I am a doctor. I was a doctor. A good doctor. Doctors know things. From just feeling a forehead I should know if someone is too hot. _"Yes," she said worriedly. "Too hot. I think you're too hot." She quickly pulled up a blanket from Zola's crib and wrapped it around her. "Don't worry Zola I'll look after you." She carried the crying Zola out of her room and down the hallway. "Lexie," she called out. No response. She must be sleeping she thought. "Lexie," she called again pushing open her bedroom door to see her made unslept in bed. "Alright it's fine," she said reassuringly to Zola, but more to herself. "We'll just – we'll go to the hospital." She quickly changed, and carried Zola to the car. "See Zola, everything will be fine," she told her as she strapped her into her car seat.

* * *

><p>Cristina rolled over hugging her pregnancy pillow. She was uncomfortable and hot. She kicked the blankets and sheets off herself angrily. She heard Owen murmur something beside her. Something about being kicked or something she didn't really know. As a matter of fact she didn't care. She had to carry this baby which she seemed to think weighed a ton around inside her for nine months. <em>Yes, <em>he should stop hi whinging she thought. She decided he should be kicked more often. Knock the annoyingness out of him. She would swear he was a lot more annoying now she was pregnant. It was all about how she was feeling. She couldn't even eat a sandwich without Owen asking if she was nauseous. She stopped thinking. She looked down at the bed a spreading wet patch appearing.

"Oh no."

* * *

><p>"It's ok Zola," she stressed as she tried to comfort the screaming child, as she sped down the highway. It was a horrible sound, you could hear the pain in her cry as it pierced your ears. "Zola please stop crying." She rubbed her head with one hand, keeping the other on the wheel. She looked to her bag which sat on the passenger seat, trying to keep her eyes looking forward she rummaged through the bag, before pulling out her phone a dialling a number with fumbling fingers. "Come on Derek, pick up." She whispered, pleading to the phone. She could hear Zola's desperate cries in the background. She turned around rubbing Zola's leg in comfort.<p>

It was as if her ears had burst, the piercing sound of metal bonding and then splitting. It had happened so fast, she had barely anytime to react. There was a loud beeping, she thinks. Causing her to turn her attention away from Zola allowing her to see the incoming bright light. Closer and closer it came, it was moving so fast. She had remembered wondering if this was it, if this was the last thing she was ever going to see, with that thought she turned her head in fear to see the face of Zola, if Zola was the last thing for her to see, well she thought that would be better. The image she would take to her grave. When they collided it felt like she was being ripped apart. The car shot backwards, Zola letting out a high pitched squeal of fear as the car twisted and spun out of control. That was the last she remembered of it. Nothing else but the faint cries of Zola as she drifted in and out of consciousness.

_**It is a bit of a short chapter but deal with it. I hope you like the 'big' event I realise it is a bit like Callie's accident but whatever this is different. I wanted to do something with like the whole child crying in the back distraction thingy, I don't really know what I am talking about. Anyway hope you like it so far. **_


	11. Chapter 10

_If you knew you were going to die today and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?_

Derek dropped the phone, he heard it clatter as it hit the floor. He stood there silently, turning paler with every passing second. He could still hear the voice on the other line. It called out to him, asking him if he was ok. The man had called him sir, and used a dark, grave tone to emphasize the seriousness of the call. He noticed his breathing. His chest rising and falling with every shallow breath. He snapped around on the spot to face the other direction. He had wasted enough time already. He began at a steady pace down the halls, before generating into a more desperate sprint as the reality of the situation hit him. He pushed open the ER doors. Seeing Zola being wheeled across the floor was a breath of relief. She looked practically unscathed, he hoped it resembled the extent of the accident. He ran to Zola's side comforting the crying baby.

"Is she alright?"

"Mostly shock we think. She has temperature which we believe is from before the accident." One paramedic answered. "We will-" Derek walked off before the man could finish his sentence.

"Meredith." Derek was quick to her side. Meredith groaned in pain as she tried to turn her head to squint up at him.

"Derek?" she breathed. It was difficult to make out his face, everything seemed so hazy.

"Shhh, don't talk." He smoothed her hair back out of her face. Gently brushing her face with the back of his hand.

"Derek you need to step back now." The chief's voice came from behind him as he did up his emergency gown.

"No. I will not do it again. I will not sit here helplessly. I can't do nothing."

"Derek I understand how you must feel. But the best thing you can do is just step back."

"Meredith?" Derek called out weakly as she began to be wheeled away from him. He felt the softness of her hands and the little dip in her palm as his fingers ran across her hands and they drifted apart.

* * *

><p>Cristina was wheeled out of the ambulance Owen at her side. She withdrew her hand from his.<p>

"It's too hot." Owen knew this was not reality. Although Cristina feeling like it was hot was understandable, so he did not object.

"We're nearly there Cristina." He turned to look at her beautiful – eh sweaty, red face. "We're going to have our baby."

"Shut up!" She yelled at him. "You seem so keen, why don't you deliver it." He ignored her remark. Nothing could bring him down. He was so happy, so excited. He had been waiting for this ever since he knew he had loved Cristina. And yet it was so unexpected. She had never wanted kids. She had made that perfectly clear. Even when she was pregnant there was doubt as to whether he would ever get his child. And yet here they were, entering the maternity ward of the hospital and nothing seemed real. Everything was just a blur, a beautiful, wonderful blur. Just a dream, a dream he had dreamt so many times. Suddenly he was brought back to reality.

"Excuse me Doctor Hunt," a Nurse beside him said. He hadn't even noticed her there, too caught up in his own thoughts. "Doctor Shepherds on the line for you."

"Tell him I'm busy. That it's a really bad time."

"He says he knows about your wife's labour and apologises but he says it's urgent." Cristina heard that. She craned her neck to hear as Owen walked over to the telephone but was quickly whisked away and out of sight.

"Derek."

"Oh My God. I'm sorry. When did this happen." He waited listening as Derek explained the accident.

"No. I can't tell her. It would only worry her."

"I know she needs to know Derek, just not yet."

"I'll tell her afterwards."

"Let me look after my wife, you go look after yours." He went to hang up before stopping himself.

"Oh and Derek. I really am sorry."

* * *

><p>"It was a few years back now that we were sitting here, just like we are now."<p>

"I remember."

"She'll be alright Derek." Mark placed a comforting hand on Derek's shoulder. "Not even death could kill her."

"You don't know that." Derek wiped his tear swollen eyes. "I never forgave her." Mark was silent. "I have been so angry at her for so long." He buried his head in his knees, disappointed in himself. "I can't even remember the last time I told her I loved her. The last time we kissed." He lifted his head to look back at Mark. "I'll never get another chance to love her."  
>"Derek, she's not going to die. She's stronger than that." Derek seemed to ignore Marks comments. More speaking to himself than Mark.<p>

"It hurts knowing the pain I've put her through. And it makes me sick to know that it took her to be on her death bed for me to realise what I'm missing."

"Derek –"

"I have to check on Zola." He said cutting off Mark's speech as he stood up.

* * *

><p>He kissed her neck, pulling her closer to him.<p>

"What are doing? You didn't want me." April said as she pushed him away.

"Shhhh," Avery whispered in her ear as he pulled her back to him.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god," Lexie whispered to herself in disbelief.<p>

"Lexie?" Avery looked up squinting in the light that the opening of the door had let in. He heard the shuffling of feet and then she was gone. "Lexie," he called after her as he quickly tied up his pants and threw on his shirt, following her out of the on call room. "Lexie wait." He grabbed her arm to pull her back.

"Don't touch me," she said as she shrugged his arm off her.

"Lexie, it's not what it looks like."

"Oh really what was it then?" She asked. "Because to me it looked like you were having sex with April."

"Dude, you screwed Kepner?" Alex's laughed from behind him. He had forgotten they were in the hospital halls, and in plain viewing of many eyes. "What was that like?" He laughed, "she doesn't look like much." Avery snapped around. He could feel the anger swelling in his body, his crunched is hand into a fist. He couldn't stop himself, the adrenaline, the testosterone he couldn't control it and then his fist collided into Karev's face, knocking him to the ground. He heard April scream behind him.

"What the hell Avery?" Alex wiped the blood from his nose. He turned to look back at Lexie. But it was too late, she was gone.

Cristina laid her head back on the pillow. She was exhausted and sweaty all over. She felt relief, it was finally over. Owen brushed her hair back, whispering something in her ear. She closed her eyes letting herself drift away. There was barely a moment of rest before Owen nudged her awake.

* * *

><p>"Cristina," something was shoved into her hands. It was probably gentler than she believed, but it felt like everything was being pushed onto her she had no time to breathe. She looked down at the lump in her arms. The wide eyes the blinked up at her. She looked down at 'it' and she tried. The tears began to roll down her cheeks. She tried so hard. She thought it would feel different to this but she felt nothing.<p> 


	12. Chapter 11

_**Hello all. Here is the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy, but you must **__**REVIEW!**__** Reviews are good happy things that bring joy and happiness and stuff like that. Anyway enjoy ~**_

"Damn it!" Bailey exclaimed in frustration as she packed the wounds. "There is just too much bleeding in the spleen." Meredith groaned in pain a small drip of blood falling from her mouth. She couldn't register what was going on around her. The world seemed a blur. She could vaguely make out the shape of Bailey who's head floated into her line of sight every now and again, her mouth would move as if to say something, but Meredith couldn't quite make out the words. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't really hear anything except the heavy thudding of her heart. It was a slow, silent world. Everything seemed to move at a snail's pace. She could see herself as she slowly faded away into the darkness.

* * *

><p>"Take the baby," Cristina whispered.<p>

"What?" Owen asked barely hearing the words as she had spoken so softly.

"Take the baby," this time she spoke much louder.

"Why? Cristina what's wrong?"

"For god's sake Owen just take her," she yelled almost throwing the baby into a bewildered Owen's arms.

"Cristina, what's wrong?" he asked as he nursed the crying baby.

"Nothing, I'm just tired. That's all."

"Well she still needs a name. Any ideas?"

"I don't know. You pick something." She said dismissively.

"Cristina, this is our daughter's name. It's a big deal." Cristina ignored this.

"Where's Meredith?" she asked suddenly, sitting up in bed a wave of realisation crossing over her face. Owen didn't answer. "Where's Meredith?" she repeated. "She should be here, but she's not."

"Cristina," he began solemnly, and she knew what was coming.

* * *

><p>Meredith's eyelids opened slowly. She blinked a few times adjusting her eyes to the sudden rush of light. She groaned. She was uncomfortable her whole body ached and on top of that her lips were dry and parched. She heard a movement and her eyes flickered to the door.<p>

"You know," Derek said as he leaned on the door frame. "I have been standing outside, pacing for hours. Unable to bring myself to come in. So this is as far as I have gotten," he said referencing to his position in the door frame. "You see," he continued. "While I was standing and pacing, I was trying to think of what I would say to you." Meredith gulped. "I couldn't think of anything that would make things better. Make up for what I've done."

"Derek –" She had not expected that. She had presumed he would be angry at her for crashing the car or endangering Zola's life, or something like that. She didn't really know, he just always seemed to find something to be angry about these days.

"No." He cut her off. "How am I supposed to apologise, when I denied you that right time after time?"

"Derek." She held out her hand beckoning him forward. "Step inside." He did as she wished, crossing the floor until he stood beside her bed. She slid her hand into his.

"Meredith," he whispered, brushing her hair behind her ears. "I'm so sorry," he pleaded crumbling onto the side of the bed, still gripping her hand tight in his. Meredith looked into his deep blue eyes, and at his ruffled hair, she presumed he had been nervously running his hands through his usually perfect hair. He looked exhausted, she could tell from the way he moved and talked that he didn't have much energy and he had gotten to a state where he was pleading for Meredith's forgiveness at her bedside. That made her worried though. Was he really sorry? Did he really want forgiveness? Perhaps he was just in a state of delusion. But she wanted it to stop, she had wanted the fight to be over for so long, and whether he would regret it or not she could bring herself to pass the opportunity to love him again.

"Ok," she said at last, rubbing his hand in comfort. "Ok."

* * *

><p>The sight of Lexie sitting alone on the stairwell was enough to break his heart. He knew this would happen and he kicked himself for not telling her sooner. He had hoped to spare her some pain but perhaps it just caused her more hurt.<p>

"Lexie," he said softly as he pushed the door open, entering the stairwell. She looked up startled by the sudden entering of Mark. When she looked up at him her face was wet with tears, her eyes red and puffy as if she had been crying awhile. His eyes softened at the sight of her broken. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? She looked so miserable as the silent tears ran down her face. He moved over towards her, slowly taking a seat on the step beside her. He had decided not to say anything. He thought that was best. He thought the best thing he could do for her would be to just sit and be there with her. _Yes, that would be best. _So they sat. They sat for a long while, in silence which was only broken by the occasional sniffles on Lexie's part. She turned to look at him, he seemed to stare blankly at the wall, just staring as if deep in thought.

"April Kepner," she spoke at last. Mark jolted out of his daze caught by the sudden break in silence. "I didn't think she had it in her." Lexie paused for a second before letting out an abrupt laugh, singular as in one HA. Mark was confused. It didn't seem like a laughing matter to him. "You know what she is? She's a dirty mistress. An adulteress bitch." She paused allowing herself to calm down and the anger to float away. "It's all just so crazy. Jackson was sleeping with April and Meredith, Meredith was in a car accident. I mean that is huge."

"She's ok," Mark reassured her.

"I know. It's just, Meredith she was dying. My sister was fighting for her life while my boyfriend was screwing someone else in a bloody broom closet."

"A broom closet?" Mark asked confused. "I thought it was the on call room. That's where normal people do it."

"Well, it was," Lexie admitted. "But doesn't it just sound worse if they were doing it in a broom closet?" Mark didn't reply and they proceeded to sit in another round of silence. "You know what the worst part is?" Mark didn't reply. "I don't even care." She whispered more to herself than anyone. Mark's heart skipped a beat he knew he shouldn't but he couldn't help the wave of satisfaction that rolled over him. "I know I told him loved him. But—" She paused. "I don't know." She concluded dropping her head to look at her knees.

"Hey," Mark said in a comforting voice. He wrapped one arm around her as she laid her head on his shoulder. Lexie let out a breath of relief, she felt at ease.

As they sat there she let her thoughts drift away. She didn't love Jackson, it was true. Perhaps she had just spoken the words in an attempt to convince herself, she wasn't quite sure. But she didn't blame him. It had hurt her to see them in bed together but in a certain way she felt she had driven him to it.

* * *

><p>"Meredith!" Cristina let out a relieved cry as she awkwardly fumbled into the room. "I'm so glad you're alive!" She said hugging Meredith as she casually helped herself into Meredith's bed.<p>

"I'm glad too," she smiled as she moved over making room for Cristina. "Oh Cristina, I heard while I was dying you were squeezing out a person."

"Yeah," Cristina breathed, snuggling in closer to Meredith. And then the speaking part was over. They both seemed to drift off almost instantaneously. And so at last they slept. The long awaited sleep.


	13. Chapter 12

_**Hello all, here is another chapter. Thank you to all for your reviews and subscriptions but don't stop there. If you stop reviewing how will I know you still like it? Or don't like it? Anyway moving on from that this is a kind of experimental chapter as I am kind of stepping into new territory with this Cristina thing I don't know how it is going to turn out, so please let me know what you think. C:**_

She watched as the cat lazed around in the morning sun, stretching and yawning in the warmth it provided. Later it stretched, pulling itself back up onto all fours. Curiously prowling along the Seattle streets, sticking its heads in nearby bins, she supposed it was hungry that way. Maybe it didn't have an owner to feed it. She wouldn't be surprised. Although the cat was young, its fur was matted, unclean appearing unloved. It looked like a dirty old rag she noted. _Well, _she thought it didn't bother her too much, she never did like cats. _Why would people even keep cats?_ She pondered. People keep pets because they want companionship, they want eternal love in exchange for the occasional feeding. But that was the problem. Cat's give no love. Cats are selfish creatures, caring only for themselves. The only time they will ever give you any compassion is if they want food. _Greedy little bastards. _Oh no, there she went again, on another little thought rant. That's what maternity leave will do to you. It sickened her though. Not being able to cut. It was only her first day home and she already yearned to hold the familiar, cold scalpel in her hand. She turned back to watch the cat. It had gone. Perhaps it was for the best. She didn't know why she was filling her thoughts with cats, suppose they were better than her thoughts. In a way she dreaded filling her mind with her own thoughts. Scared of what she might think.

"Cristina?"

"Meredith?" Cristina jumped in fright, turning from her resting place on the windowsill.

"Uh, I was on my way to the hospital for my post ops and thought I would stop by." She scanned the room, listening to the piercing cry. "How long as she being crying?" she motioned to the nursery.

"I don't know," she lied. She knew it had been a while but couldn't admit it to Meredith. She hated herself enough for ignoring the cries, she couldn't have Meredith's judgement on top of that. Meredith looked confused, _why would Cristina ignore the cries? It didn't make any sense. _She turned away from Cristina and headed into the nursery.

"Hi baby girl," Meredith smiled as she gently lifted the crying child out of the crib. She turned back to Cristina who had followed her into the room. "You and Owen still haven't decided on a name."

"No."

"Well that's alright, we will just call you baby girl for now." She looked down at the baby, she really was beautiful she had Cristina's face but Owens eyes and you could just tell, even though she didn't have any yet she was going to have Cristina's hair. "Here," Meredith said readjusting herself to pass the baby to Cristina. "I think she is hungry." Cristina turned, walking briskly out of the nursery before she could be handed the baby.

"Cristina?" Meredith called after her. "What are you doing?" Her voice seemed to echo around the place returning only silence. It was a few minutes later before Cristina returned holding a bottle.

"Here." She shoved the bottle into Meredith's hand. Meredith took begrudgingly took the bottle, noticing the warmth of it against her skin. She began to feed the baby who grabbed at the bottle drinking deeply. She looked up at Cristina trying to scan her face. She was worried for her friend.

* * *

><p>"So guess what," Mark said excitedly as he slid a coffee into Callie's hand.<p>

"What?" She responded instantly, with little interest. It didn't require much thought 'what?' was the general response to 'guess what?"

"Isn't it great Lexie and Avery broke up."

"Wow Mark, you continue to astound me with your kindness for others." She said sarcastically.

"So you heard then?" they turned the corner at that point.

"Yeah, something about Avery and Kepner getting it on." She had a quiet laugh to herself on that note. "I heard it was something of a big spectacle, in front of a few people, well Karev was there. I don't really know"

"Yeah well that's not the point. The point is that it's over."

"Hey," Callie stopped suddenly grabbing Marks elbow to pull him around to face her. "You can't do anything."

"What?" Mark pretended to look shocked. "Why would I do something?"

"Come on Mark, I know you." She looked at him sternly. "You always do something."

"Alright," Mark said letting out a sigh. "I'm clearly not the liar I used to be."

"Clearly." Callie agreed as took a sip of coffee.

"So what if I do something?"

"Mark, she just got out of a relationship which by the sounds of it didn't end well. The last thing she would want to do is to jump into bed with you. That's no way to get over a relationship."

"I don't know." Mark pretended to ponder the idea. "It was good enough for Addison, oh and you."

"That was different," she blushed.

"More than once too I recall."

"Shhhhhh, that's enough out of you." She said as she clipped him on the head with the back of her hand.

"Ow." He rubbed the back of his head where she had hit him.

* * *

><p>"Cristina!" Meredith called firmly across the room. "Stop walking away from me."<p>

"I don't know what you want from me." She yelled as she turned around to face her.

"I want you to tell Owen." Meredith stated calmly.

"No. I don't want to. I can't."

"Cristina, he can help you."

"No. He won't understand." She quickly wiped the tears that were beginning to show themselves. "You know, I used to love coming home to tell Owen the curiosities of my day, the way a cat might lay mice at your feet: the small, humble offering that couples proffer to each other." There she goes again with the cat thing. Meredith was taken aback by Cristina's strange cat analogy, it appeared as if she had previously been lingering on these thoughts.

"Cristina," Meredith moved forward placing a comforting hand on Cristina's arm. That broke her and in an instant Cristina was in a sobbing heap on the ground Meredith's arms wrapped tightly around her. "How can I tell him? He wanted this baby so much." She croaked in between sobs. "How can I tell him that I don't love her? That she is not really mine. That when I look at her I feel nothing." Meredith rocked with her as she sobbed the way a mother might nurse her crying child, her arms still tightly wrapped around Cristina.

"I know," she whispered. "I know."

_**Ok so there goes that chapter. I just kind of experimented with it and I am still not sure what I think of it. Your thoughts on it would be great and would help me to know how to write next. **_


	14. Chapter 13

_**Here is the next chapter I hope you enjoy. In the next few chapters I will be incorporating stories with other characters who have not played as much of a role in my story yet so look forward to that c: Also please keep reviewing. Reviews make my day brighter, so **__**REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!.**_

"I've organised an appointment for you to see Dr Wyatt." Meredith informed Cristina as wrapped the blanket around her. Cristina sat upright on the couch, her knees drawn to her chest, her hair a mess and her eyes still tear swollen.

"I don't want to go." Cristina said quietly but sternly.

"Cristina," Meredith began sympathetically, snuggling up next to her on the couch. "You have to go you're sick, you have post natal depression. Dr Wyatt can help you."

"No, I'm fine." She stressed. "It's not my fault I don't love her." She bit her lip. "It's hers. It's her fault for not being lovable."

"Cristina, you have to tell Owen. He deserves to know you have PND."

"Oh no. No, no, no," Cristina mumbled as she began rocking back and forth.

* * *

><p>All Lexie Grey wanted to do was put the last couple of days behind her. Forget them like a bad dream. Yes, she had decided to forget. And the best way to forget was to cut. It was well known to surgeons that surgery erased ones troubling thoughts. You had to focus on the present, had to focus on the life that was in your hands and at that moment nothing else mattered. So there she was walking through the hospital halls towards the residents lounge, her hair tied up ready for action, her bag slouched across her shoulder and she walked with more confidence then she had in a long while.<p>

It's funny how quickly it can all disappear. In one moment you lose all that confidence and happiness and all of a sudden you are that weak little girl again who doesn't have the courage to keep walking.

When she saw Jackson sitting on one of the resident benches as he tied up his sneakers it was as if the wind had been knocked from her. She stood motionless in the doorway. It's not like she had not expected him to be at work but it still hurt and she could feel the anger bottling up inside. She had so hoped to be the better person that maybe she would be able to let the whole incident go. Yes, she had hoped to be cool about it and people would respect her for the way she had handled it. If only. She gave out a deep sigh letting the anger float away. She turned to walk away. Avery jumped up hearing her movements.

"Lexie," he called out. She ignored him continuing to walk away. "Lexie, please we need to talk." He ran forward catching up to her, he grabbed her elbow pulling her around to face her.

"Don't." She said coldly shrugging him off.

"We need to talk."

"Talk about what Jackson? How you slept with someone else? How you cheated on me?" She looked to Avery hurt written all over her face. "I don't think there is anything we need to say. It's over."

"No Lexie. Please just listen to me," he pleaded. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't." He paused taking a deep breath. "It was a mistake Lexie! I made a mistake! Okay?"

"A mistake? What were you trying to put it in?" She sighed rubbing her forehead. "You know I just – I don't want to talk about this right now, this isn't the time or place."

"No. Lexie, we are staying right here and talking about this! If we don't now, we never will."

"Okay! Alright! You want to talk about it?"

"Yes."

"How was she?" Avery nearly choked at her words.

"What?" he choked.

"Come on Jackson. You said you wanted to talk about it. So let's talk about **IT**! How was she? How is little April Kepner in the bed?" Jackson's eyes widened in shock. In no way had he expected these questions he opened his mouth but no words managed to make their way out. "Was she worth it Jackson? Was she worth the end of our relationship?"

"No, of course not Lexie. I love you."

"See I hear you saying that. But then you go off and sleep with another woman! How is that showing your love for someone?"

"Lexie it wasn't like that. It just happened. I was really upset after your whole thing with Mark and –"

"Woah! Woah, woah, wait a minute." Lexie interrupted. "What Mark thing?"

"Don't think I don't know Lexie."

"Know what?"

"About the thing with you and Mark!"

"What thing? What are you talking about?"

"Lexie, I see you. I see the way you look at him, longing for him."

"Oh my god." She said shaking her head in disbelief.

"You slept with someone else because I slept with someone else?"

"Okay! I get what you're saying but it's not as ridiculous as it sounds."

"Oh no. It is."

"Lexie –"

"Avery, it's over. I'm done talking."

* * *

><p>"Ah Meredith, come in." The Richard smiled as he invited her in to his office. "You look well." She didn't feel well it had taken her a long time to build up the courage to go and see the chief and now she was there she felt kind of sickly. "Please take a seat," he motioned to the chair on the other side of his desk. Meredith sat down. They sat in an awkward silence the chief just smiling expectantly at Meredith. He was very glad she had come in. It had been so long since he had seen her and he had begun to worry what unemployment might be doing to her.<p>

"There is a position for me at Seattle Press if I want it." She blurted out at last breaking the silence. Richard shift uneasily in his chair.

"We'll that's great I am happy for you."

"I don't want your congratulations." Richard was taken aback by her words. "What I want is to know if I want this job."

"What do you mean?" Richard asked confused.

"Well I figured I could easily take the job because there is nothing that is stoping me from taking it. It's not like I have anything grounding me here." She hinted at him. "So what I want to know, is do I want the job?" Richard was speechless and remained silent for the proceeding minutes.

"I have to go." Meredith said solemnly as she gave up. She stood up to walk away.

"Meredith," Richard called out suddenly. She stopped where she was at the door frame spinning around to face him. He looked at her silently again for a couple of moments. "No Meredith, you don't want the job."


	15. Chapter 14

_**A/N a little bit about PND after I was informed that I was wrong in the subject. I did research PND before I wrote the chapter. PND can occur just after birth, commonly it occurs a couple of months after the baby is born but it is not unheard of to have PND just after the baby is born. Also there are many different effects on how a mother feels about her baby, such as:**_

_**You may feel guilty that you don't feel the way you expected to.**_

_**You may or may not love your baby.**_

_**You may not feel close to your baby.**_

_**You might find it hard to work out what your baby is feeling, or what your baby needs.**_

_**You may resent the baby or blame the baby for the way you feel.**_

_**As you can see Cristina experiences many of the feelings and thoughts associated with PND. So I would just like to say that I have researched PND to add weight to my stories. **_

_**I would still like to thank the reviewer who brought this up as I appreciate all reviews.**_

**I apologise for the late post of this chapter I have been busy.**

'"Lately Meredith, I have been meeting with the board." Meredith sat eagerly on the edge of her seating listening to the chief waiting for what she wanted, what she hoped to hear. "I have been discussing possibilities with the board for hiring you back."

"And…" Meredith could hardly contain her anticipation.

"After months of deliberation and review of your case they agree that your case is under unusual circumstances. Because Adele was my wife and the consequent pressure that is thought to have been put on you during the trial the board agrees that I made you take action you did. Even if I didn't directly."

"Chief –" Meredith began only to be cut off.

"The board has agreed to offer you your old position as a resident at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital." Meredith gave a relieved sigh. She could hardly believe the words she was hearing. It had been so long. So very long since she had been a surgeon and she was just itching to cut. "However," Richard began gravely. "If you are to regain your job as a surgeon at this hospital I must step down as Chief." All the happiness flew out of Meredith in an instant.

"I couldn't ask that of you."

"I know, I know." Richard agreed. "That's part of the reason it has taken me so long to tell you. I didn't want you to have to make the decision. I just I needed time."

"I understand."  
>"Meredith, I have been Chief a long time a surgeon even longer than that. But you, you have yet to fully experience what being a surgeon is. I am getting old now Meredith, I have a wife with Alzheimer's. Perhaps it is time I lighten my load. Perhaps it is time I step down."<p>

* * *

><p>"Hi Kiara, how are we doing this fine morning?" Arizona asked cheerfully as she walked into the patient's room studying her chart, followed by Callie and Karev. "My leg is sore," Kiara replied sadly.<p>

"Well don't worry. Kiara this is Dr Torres," Arizona motioned to Callie. "She is going to fix up your leg so it's all better.

"So um, I am still a little unsure of how all this is going to work?" Kiara's father spoke from beside her bed.

"Karev," Arizona said .

"As you know your daughter has a bone tumour growing out the side of her leg which is not only cancerous but is causing serious hurt and damage to the leg as it stretches the skin. The procedure is quite simple Dr Torres is going to pull away the covering skin and cut out the tumour before replacing the folds of skin and stitching it together. There should be minimal scarring and once we make sure the cancer has not spread she will back on her feet in no time."

"Ok," he still sounded unsure. "I guess that sounds alright." He looked down at his daughter's young, innocent face before looking back up and facing Callie. "Are you the best?" he asked.

"I'm sorry?" Callie asked confused.

"Are you the best doctor I could get for my daughter? Will her life be safe in your hands? Because I cannot lose her so I need her to have the best."

"I am very good," Callie assured him confident in her abilities. After all she had pulled off some incredible surgeries and that should cause for at least a little self-confidence.

"Don't worry Mr Fisher your daughter is in extraordinary hands." Arizona added.

* * *

><p>"Lexie!" Lexie let out an exasperated sigh at the sound of the familiar, chirpy voice, which she knew all too well.<p>

"April," she breathed hiding the hint of frustration in her voice as she spun around to face her. Even though she had called her name April could not think of anything to say. She could not think of a single thing to justify her actions. Because the thing was, the thing was that what she did was wrong. And she knew that. Yes, she knew that what she did was wrong but she did it anyway. It wasn't like her. She wasn't a cheater. She isn't a cheater. It just isn't who she is, yet she couldn't help herself. So she just stood in silence, her mouth slightly ajar as if she were about to say something. Lexie, sensing that nothing was going to come of this, so she turned and began to walk away.

"Lexie," April called out after her. Lexie stopped in her tracks, waiting to hear the next words. "I just want you to know, I am sorry Lexie." _Of course she was_,Lexie thought. They always were.

* * *

><p>"Well, I think everything looks good here," Callie said as she took a step back admiring her handiwork. Callie looked nervously at her watch before stepping back towards the patient.<p>

"It's alright Dr Torres, I can close up. You go pick up Sofia." Arizona smiled behind her mask.

"Are you sure?"

Arizona nodded taking Callie's place by the patient. Callie gave a sigh of relief as she always did after a successful surgery. She threw her mask and OR gown in the bin before proceeding to head out the door.

"Oh and Dr Torres," Arizona smiled. "I will see you tonight."

* * *

><p>"Mr Fisher," Arizona said as he stood to greet her.<p>

"How is she?" He asked, worried for the answer. Mr Fisher was a man who worried far too much, or at least that's what his wife used to say.

"She's fine. She's being wheeled into recovery now. The surgery was a complete success." The worry lines on Mr Fisher's face disappeared in an instant. A huge smile stretched across his face and the formation of tears could be seen in the corner of his eyes.

"Thank you! Thank you so much Dr Robbins." Mr Fisher vigorously shook Arizona's hand in joy.

"Would you like to see her now?"

* * *

><p>Meredith nearly skipped out of the hospital that day. She was happy, it had been a long time but at last she had job back. She had Derek back and the three of them were finally a family. She couldn't help the smile that crossed her lips. She did however think that her happiness was selfish. How could she be happy when her happiness was the cause of someone else's downfall. The chief had done so much to help her and even though he had also caused her a lot of hurt in terms of her family, he had always felt bad for that and had made it up to her several times. <em>Maybe <em>she thought, she shouldn't have let him do that for her, but it wasn't like he really gave her a choice. Even the guilt couldn't bring her down. It was as the last puzzle piece that was her life was falling into place and for the first time she didn't feel ruined. For the first time she didn't feel as if she was the dark and twisty Meredith Grey.

_**Ok there goes that chapter. Once again apologies for the late post. Anyway stay tuned for the next chapter hopefully I will have it up within the week but no promises there.**_


	16. Chapter 15

_**Hi all as promised here is the next chapter posted within a week. The last chapter got a whopping 1 review so I am starting to think that maybe my story is not so good anymore so IF YOU WANT THE STORY TO CONTINUE PLEASE REVIEW SO THAT I KNOW THERE IS STILL INTEREST IN THE STORY.**_

_**Enjoy the next chapter. Feedback is always welcome c:**_

"She wants me to name the baby." Cristina spoke suddenly, before taking a sip of her beer.

"Dr Wyatt?" Meredith remembered practically dragging Cristina to see Dr Wyatt. She had not wanted to go, insisting that there was nothing wrong with her. Now a week later and she was almost willing to go to each session. The drastic change had shocked Meredith. It was good though, nice to see that Cristina was trying, that she wanted to love and bond with her baby. She often wondered if Cristina willingly went to therapy for the right reasons, because she actually wanted to get better or perhaps it was just for Owen's sake. She still hadn't told Owen about her PND, she was probably afraid of the strain it would put on her relationship. Meredith as an outsider had noticed the distance between them even just a few weeks after the birth of their child.

"She thinks that if Owen and I name the baby, she will become more real to me."

"Maybe." Meredith wasn't really paying attention. Tomorrow was her first day back at work. While she was excited she was also nervous, she had been out of practice for many months now. She could hear Cristina mumbling next to her, and then a loud clicking sound in her ear. She snapped out of her thoughts turning in the direction of the sound. _Oh, it was just Cristina._

"What?" Meredith asked irritation clearly in her voice. Cristina sat on the bar stool next to her a disappointed face.

"Are you even listening to me?" Cristina exasperated turning back to face her beer. "You know, you were the one who made me go to therapy and now you don't even care what she said." Cristina wasn't really angry.

"Of course I do." Meredith said rubbing the back of her neck. "So you have to name the baby?" Cristina nodded. "So are you going to tell Owen then?" She asked referring to Cristina's condition

"No," Cristina sounded quite pissed as she spoke. "I told you to drop it. He doesn't need to know."

"Would you listen to yourself Cristina? Of course he needs to know, he's your husband!" Cristina shook her head slightly before gulping down the last bit of her beer.

"Another one Joe," Cristina called across the bar, clicking a few fingers at her empty glass.

"You know Cristina, I haven't told Owen because as your person I don't want to go against you like that but Cristina please just tell him."

* * *

><p>Cristina sighed as she dropped her keys on the table shutting the door quietly behind her so as not to wake anyone.<p>

"Hey," Owen's voice came suddenly out of the darkness causing her to jump in fright. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine," she breathed. Owen's arms wrapped around her and suddenly he was kissing her all over. She let herself be carried away for a moment before pushing him away.

"What's wrong?" He asked a little hurt by her rejection.

"Nothing." She moved carefully through the shadows into the kitchen where she casually flicked on a few lights before picking an apple out of the basket and taking a few bites. "I was thinking," she began between mouthfuls as she leaned coolly against the kitchen counter. "I think we should name her. She is like two weeks old and she doesn't have a name yet."

"Alright then," Owen said excitedly. Now this was a conversation he could get into. "What about…" he thought for a moment, "Angel". Cristina scoffed. "Caitlyn?"

"No."

"What's wrong with Caitlyn?"

"Nothing, it's just not our child's name."

"What about Mary?"

"Well now she just sounds like a catholic school girl," Cristina laughed. She couldn't remember the last time she had laughed, it felt – Nice.

"Alright then seeing as you seem to be knocking down everything I put forward give me one of your names." Cristina bit her lip, she hadn't really thought about. In fact she hadn't even given the name a seconds glance.

"Ayla," she decided at last. Owen looked sceptical.

"Ayla?" he repeated the name a few times as if trying it out in his head. Slowly a smile appeared on his face. "Ayla." Cristina smiled too and in that instant she couldn't do it anymore she couldn't keep it from him anymore. She had to trust that if she fell he would catch her.

"Owen?"

"Yeah," his face became stern sensing the seriousness in Cristina's voice.

"Lately, I have been going to see Dr Wyatt."

"Why?" He asked confused.

"Because – "She gulped supressing the tears, "she helps me with my post natal depression," she blurted out the words so quickly there was no time to retract them. Owen took a stunned stem back, falling into a sitting position on the arm of the couch.

"How come – how come you never told me?"

"I didn't want you to know," she moved around the counter, closer to Owen. "I didn't want you to know that I look at her and feel nothing." It hurt her to say the words.

"I left you – I leave you alone with her." He said in an almost whisper.

"Oh no, no Owen I would never – I would never hurt her, you have to believe that."

"But women do. Many women with post natal depression dream of smothering their children."

"How can I know that's not what you dream of?"

"Owen!" Cristina hissed. She was extremely hurt by his words. She closed her eyes as the soft crying sounded from the nursery. Owen gave her a cold look before heading off into the nursery. She could feel the coldness of the tear drops as they began to fall.

* * *

><p>Derek groaned, lurching himself out of bed as the knocking persisted. He rubbed his eyes as he let out a yawn, flicking on the hall way light as he made his way down the stairs.<p>

"Cristina," he yawned. "I should've known it was you." He let the door swing open before turning around and making his way back up the steps.

"Cristina?" Meredith squinted in the light. She stood on the stairwell in an oversize top and pyjama bands, her arms crossed against her stomach. She was cold, longing for the warmth of her bed.

"Owen kicked me out again." She informed Meredith with an exasperated sigh. "Well, he didn't actually say that but I could tell he wanted me to go." Meredith sighed, it seemed like it she was always coming to her friends rescue. "Hey, this is your fault, I told you I shouldn't have told Owen."

"Fine," Meredith gestured for Cristina to follow her. "Derek move over," Meredith whispered so as not to wake Zola. He groaned but did so reluctantly. Meredith crawled back into bed and after kicking off her shoes Cristina snuggled in beside Meredith.


	17. Chapter 16

_**Hello readers. Here is the next chapter. This chapter is very Meredith Cristina based, well entirely Meredith Cristina based. I really felt like I had to explore what them a bit more in the story as I do not feel like I have done this to the full extent that I should have. So here it is the long overdue Cristina Meredith Chapter Enjoy.**_

_**Also thanks for all the reviews don't forget to keep it up. Will try to update within the week.**_

She let the water wash away all the stress and tension from the past couple of days. She had always liked Meredith's showers as they have more pressure than the showers at home. Her eyes were closed and she stood her should slowly moving back and forth as she let the warm water drum against her back. She couldn't believe the events of the previous night. Owen had become attacking so quickly as if he had already lost all faith in her. His words echoed in her mind, the thought that she was a danger to her own baby sickened her and she clenched at her chest as his words ran through her head. She kept her eyes closed, reaching out for the cold tiles of the shower, she let her weight shift to lean against the shower. It was all too much, just thinking about past couple of weeks made her dizzy. She let the tears flow. She had never cried so much in her life as she had these few months. _It must be all the pregnancy hormones _she thought to herself. She took in a desperate gasp of air in between frantic sobs, slowly sliding down the shower wall to form a quivering mass beneath the falling drops.

* * *

><p>"Morning," Meredith yawned as Cristina came drearily into the kitchen.<p>

"Is that coffee?" Cristina referred the steaming cup in Meredith's hand, as she took a seat at the table.

"Yeah," Meredith moved around the counter to pour Cristina a cup before placing it on the table in front of her. Cristina just stared into the cup with droopy eyes. She had wanted coffee but now it was in front of her she couldn't bring herself to drink it. "It's fine." Meredith tried to be sympathetic but empathy was never her strong point. "You don't have to drink." She watched her friend as she stared blankly into the cup. She had never seen Cristina like this, she had never seen Cristina so lost and helpless. "What are you going to do today?" she asked trying to invoke some conversation between them.

"Huh?" Cristina looked up from the mug, Meredith had clearly broken her train of thoughts.

"I have to go to work soon, it's my first day back remember?" Meredith tried to hide the happiness in her voice so as not to upset Cristina.

"Oh I am coming with you." Meredith looked confused. "You don't expect me to sit around her all day while you cut things up without me, do you?"

"Cristina, you are on maternity leave."

"I'm clearly not anymore, Owen thinks I am not fit to look after our child, then so be it.

"Cristina, I'm sure Owen didn't mean what he said." Cristina ignored this returning to look deep into her coffee.

"I wish …" Cristina struggled to get the words out. Meredith leaned silently against the kitchen counter, waiting for Cristina to continue. She could tell from the tone in her voice that it was something she had been struggling with.

"I wish I had gone through with it. I wish I had got the abortion."

* * *

><p>Meredith followed Cristina into the residents lounge. The voices were coming at her from all directions. <em>Hey, your back <em>they would all say rather surprised at her arrival. She caught a glimpse of Alex's face as she made her way over to her locker which had luckily remained empty. Ever since the incident Alex and Meredith had been on shaky ground and it appeared that things hadn't changed in the months she had been gone. Alex seemed to convince himself to stand and sure enough he was making his way over to Cristina and Meredith within minutes.

"Hey," he said awkwardly as he scratched his neck.

"Hey." Meredith started had begun filling her locker with all her things.

"I'm glad you're back," he almost choked on the words as he said them. It was not like him to be so kind but he did feel guilty as it was his fault that she was fired. "Aren't you supposed to be on maternity leave?" Alex asked seeing Cristina hovering aimlessly around Meredith. Cristina turned making her way over to her locker to divert the question, she changed into her scrubs.

"It's fine," Meredith assured Alex. "I've got it."

* * *

><p>Meredith drummed her fingers on the ER desk. She was bored. There had been very little surgeries going on and the surgeries that were happening were small, minor surgeries that she would likely not even get her hands dirty in. So, she had decided to come down to the ER, dragging Cristina with her. There was always some big emergency going on in the ER. Well almost always. Today there was nothing. The ER was almost completely empty aside from the few broken bones or fevers floating around but nothing surgical. <em>Wow, she had picked a hell of a day to come back on. <em> Cristina moaned beside her burrowing her head into the desk. Meredith gave her a slight sympathetic pat on the head. Cristina moaned again before lifting her head and wandering off.

"Hey, where are you going?" Meredith called after her.

"To find some bloody person who needs stitching up." Meredith sighed turning back to tap her fingers on the desk again.

"Hey," Lexie's voice came so suddenly from behind her that she nearly jumped in fright. "I heard you were back." Lexie joined Meredith in leaning against the ER desk.

"Yeah. How are you going though?" Lexie gave a frustrated sigh. God, was she sick of that question. It seemed she couldn't have a conversation anymore without that question popping up. After you've been cheated on, everybody always wants to know how you are. After you have been cheated on, people all of a sudden care.

"Can we please not talk about it." Lexie stressed. "What's going on with you?" Lexie asked, quickly changing the subject.

* * *

><p>Owen fastened his watch as he strode quickly down the hall his coat whipping behind him as he turned the corner.<p>

"Cristina?" he said rather surprised to see her at the hospital. At the sound of Owens voice, Meredith bit her lip and quickly redirected Cristina in the other direction. Cristina was focusing on just moving her feet and she did not even look up when her husband called her name.

"Cristina?" he almost galloped towards her. Meredith gave Cristina an encouraging nudge to keep moving. She turned towards the forthcoming Owen sensing that he would not stop his pursuit until he spoke to Cristina.

"Don't." She said coldly as he drew near. Owen came to a halt in front of Meredith.

"Just let me talk to her Meredith please," he craned his neck to see Cristina, who now appeared to be staring at a poster on the wall. Meredith shook her head.

"I can't let you speak to her." Meredith looked up at Owen before sighing. "Look, she's already in pieces because of you, if I let you speak to her I'm not sure I will be able to put her back together." Meredith turned to leave and after a moment she could her Owen step forward behind her.

"Look," she said spinning around to stop him once more. "She never wanted a child. You knew that when you married her. But she kept it, she kept it because she didn't want to lose you and now she's had your baby and she is being hit by the backlash of it and you can't even support her. You can't be there for her." She spoke with a lot more assertion this time, making her point quite clear to Owen. Meredith gave a quick glance to Cristina who was still staring blindly at the poster. "I don't know how you did it, but you broke her. You broke Cristina Yang and now all she seems to do is stare at things."


	18. Chapter 17

_**A/N Wow, I had thought the last chapter might have upset some people but I didn't expect that. While I thank you all for your thoughts and reviews I just want to make it clear that the previous chapter was merely Cristina and Meredith's thoughts and what was going on with them. In no way did that chapter intend to justify Cristina's thoughts and treatment of her child but merely to highlight how she feels and what she is going through as she is suffers through post natal depression. Also Meredith does not agree with Cristina on the whole but she is overwhelmed by her desire to protect and support Cristina, and that is why she is to a certain extent in denial about the seriousness of Cristina's illness.**_

_**Anyway enough ranting. Here is the next chapter, it is more pro Owen so I hope you enjoy it more than the previous one c:**_

Meredith sat upright on the bed, her knees drawn to her chest. She couldn't sleep. The memory of their last fight stuck in her mind. She looked next to her; Cristina was sprawled asleep on the bed. Cristina lay where Derek should be. She should go down. Yes, she should. But, no, she looked to the clock it was 2.30 he would surely be asleep. She didn't want to wake him that would only make him grumpy. She laid down in the bed pulling the covers over her she closed her eyes. If she tried hard enough perhaps she would sleep. It was no use. She opened her eyes, rolling over to look up at the ceiling. She studied the cracks for a few moments, watching them as they spread across her roof like a disease. She remembered when he had come home.

_She was in the kitchen feeding Zola, Cristina asleep. From the way he had dropped his keys on the table she had known something was not right. She knew she was going to get it. And so they argued what started as a calm and reasoned conversation quickly turned to shouts and hot heated argument._

"_Where do you get off telling Owen he broke Cristina?" He had asked her coldly._

"_Excuse me?" She had responded with just as much hostility._

"_What gives you the right to tell a man he broke his wife?" Meredith said nothing, she didn't know what to say to that. _

"_Meredith she is sick. I remember you coming home that day you visited her. You told me how n worried about her you were. How she wouldn't even feed her own child." _

"_She's fine." Meredith hissed. "I'm handling it."_

_They had shouted some more until Zola cried, at one point Derek had slammed his hand on the table cursing that she never changed. That really cut deep._

Meredith shook her head trying to erase the memory. They had been on shaky grounds since getting back together and she didn't want this to strain their marriage even further. She feared it wouldn't take much before their relationship was stretched so far that it shattered before them. Meredith threw off her blanket and after checking that Zola was still sleeping soundly in her bed she headed down the stairs. She didn't care what time it was, she couldn't leave it like this.

The creak on the step made Derek's eyes shoot open in fright. He had not been sleeping. He had had his eyes closed and was thinking. It was a bit hard to fall asleep on that lumpy couch anyway. He presumed someone had got up to pee or get a class of water as he heard their footsteps cross the floor.

"Derek," Meredith's voice whispered across the room, to see if he was awake. He moaned in response, slowly sitting up on the couch.

"Meredith," he smiled sleepily as he drew her closer.

"I couldn't leave it like that."

"I know," he whispered in agreement. "I'm sorry." Meredith was surprised she had not expected an apology. He had taken her hands in his and had begun playing with her fingers.

"No, no," he whispered sensing her surprise through the darkness. "I stick by what I said." He pulled her into a hug kissing her temple he said, "I am sorry for getting mad. I don't want to be mad at you again." And then they slept.

* * *

><p>"Cristina, remember you can be here but no surgeries," Meredith stressed to Cristina as they walked through the hospital doors. Cristina mumbled something grumpily before wandering off. Meredith turned to Derek. They exchanged a few words before kissing goodbye and going their separate ways.<p>

* * *

><p>Lexie turned her head as Avery and April walked past her. It had only been a matter of weeks before they went from secret sex to a public relationship. How she hated that. Sure she didn't love him, but it still hurt to be screwed over like that. Actually, it hurt a lot. But then she would catch a glimpse of Mark and the pain seemed to float away. She would never admit it but perhaps Avery was right. There was something between her and Mark there always will be, not that that is an excuse for him to cheat.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Damnit,<em> Cristina thought. Although she was not surprised. They were bound to meet. Their eyes locked as they saw each other in the hall. The stood motionless for a moment before Owen moved forward opening the door to a store room. He beckoned her in. Cristina looked at Owen and then at the open door. She shook her head before begrudgingly entering the storeroom. She couldn't avoid it, she had to face what was to come.

She leaned against one of the shelves, her head hung low as she avoided meeting his eyes. She heard the slight clink as the door shut softly behind him. They stood in silence Owen looked at his wife. He had never seen her like this and it hurt him to see her so lost.

"Cristina," he said softly, moving forward.

"Don't," she said dismissively as she dodged his touch.

"Cristina please, don't be like this. Come home!" he plead.

"You didn't support me."

"You didn't give me a chance to. You just threw this at me and expected me to accept it. It's hard on me too Cristina." He spoke calmly and softly not wanting to give her a reason to flee.

"I can't do this alone." She croaked as she looked up at Owen, her eyes filled with desperation. She could feel everything as it collapsed around her. She gripped the shelf tightly to steady herself. Her heart was beginning to pound hard and loud.

_Thud, thud, thud. _It beat through her mind. The waves of defeat began to crash around her and she clenched at her heat. It hurt so much inside. She collapsed to the floor. Her head to the ground and her bum in the air. The sobs shook her violently. She had never cried so much in her whole life, she was not a crier but she must have cried a bloody ocean that day. Her breaths were heavy and shallow as she desperately breathed in mass amounts of air. "I can't – I can't breathe," she gasped in between sobs. Owen stood speechless for a while watching in utter shock as his wife broke down in front of him. Once he came to his senses he dived into action. Falling to Cristina's side he drew her into a tight hug. Squeezing tighter as he tried to calm her body down.

"I love you Cristina," he whispered in her air. "You will never be alone." And slowly her breaths became gentler and deeper.

_**A/N See I had a plan. Hopefully you like it. I hope you liked it c: Please review because after the last chapter I would really like to know what you think. **_

_**Also WARNING the story is nearing its end so stay tuned.**_


	19. The Final Chapter

_**Ok, so here is my extra-long finale chapter. Enjoy. Also in response to some of the reviews about April and Alex, that was never going to happen in this story. I think that those characters would not work at all and it would be horrible to read/see them together. **_

_**NOTE: I know nothing about medicine so all of the medicine stuff in all of my chapters is not real.**_

_**Also I apologise on the update speed on this chapter I have been away on holiday and unable to write. **_

_**Anyway it is the final chapter so you must review your thoughts C:**_

"Cristina," Dr Wyatt spoke softly. "I want you to tell me about Ayla." Cristina felt the Warmth of Owen's hand as he clasped her hand in his.

"Um," Cristina thought carefully for a moment. She did not want to disappoint Owen with her answer. "Well she is small. Yes, I think she is quite small. She has black hair but only enough to lightly cover her head her eyes are brown and .."

"No, tell me about her Cristina." Dr Wyatt interrupted. "Don't tell me what she looks like. Tell what she is like." Cristina bit her lip. She wasn't sure she would be able to answer that one. She looked to Owen for support who gave her a slight nod of encouragement as he gave her hand a comforting squeeze.

* * *

><p>"Lexie," Mark smiled.<p>

"Hey," Lexie replied without" looking up from the papers in front of her. She was sitting in the cafeteria, her lunch which had already been picked at lay to the side, the spoon which still showed the remnants of her yoghurt hung from her mouth.

"What's that you're looking at?" Mark craned his neck to see the papers.

"It's nothing just a patients chart," she replied still concentrating on the chart. Mark sighed before shifting his seat closer to Lexie's"

"Hey, can we talk?" he tried to hide the nervousness in his voice.

"Yeah sure, what's up?" Lexie's eyes did not move from the paper. Mark gave another sigh. He could tell she wasn't paying much attention. He leaned forward grabbing the chart from in front of her he placed it at the back of the table. "Hey, I was reading that!"

"We need to talk." Mark said seriously.

"Oh." Lexie sat back. Mark waited for a moment, rolling the words around in his mind.

"Callie said I shouldn't. She said it would be inappropriate especially since you just broke it off with Avery." He spoke at last. "But I couldn't, you know. I couldn't not tell you." Lexie remained silent. "We've been through so much you and me. And all those times we have been on and off I have never stopped thinking about you. I have never stopped loving you." Lexie was taken aback, she didn't know what to say. _Surely the cafeteria wasn't the place for this _ she thought.

"What – what are you saying Mark?"

"I love you Lexie." He whispered, looking up at her beautiful face.

"I know," she whispered in response. "I love you too." Mark smiled. "Sometimes I love you so much I can't breathe."

"So give me another chance Lexie." Her eyes softened for a moment and there was the slightest hint at a smile before she shook her head.

"No." She said firmly. "We have tried Mark and it just, it doesn't work."

"Lexie I am not a man who begs but here I am kneeling – Well sitting before you, pleading for your forgiveness. I am just a man who needs a second chance."

"Oh Mark," she breathed sadly. "It's all just, it's too much for me. I can't do this right now." And with that she stood up, snatching her chart from the table she strode off without a seconds glance leaving Mark to sit alone in the cafeteria as he stared longingly after her.

* * *

><p>The balding man sat by the young girl's bed. His eyes were closed and his hands clenched tightly together. His head was bowed low over the bed as he mumbled whispers under his breath. Callie stood on the other side of the bed, her head slightly bowed. Arizona stood silently behind her, her hands buried deep in her coats pocket.<p>

The man finished his prayers before he looked to Callie and Arizona, hopefully. Callie's eyes saddened and she shook her head softly. The man's hand was fast to his face as he let out a cry.

"No, no, no." he yelled desperately as he grabbed at his daughter's hand.

"I'm sorry Mr. Fisher." Callie could feel the tears welling in her eyes, she hated cases like these. She drew in a deep breath as she forced down the tears. "It has been two weeks. There is no brain activity and her organs are beginning to fail." The man shook his head refusing to believe the words that were coming at him. Callie touched his shoulder sympathetically. "I'm sorry, but Kiara is not going to wake up."

"No." Mr. Fisher shook his head as he wiped the tears on his sleeve. "She can't not wake up. It was a simple operation. Everything was fine." He looked to Arizona. "You told me the operation was a complete success."

"It was." Arizona said stepping forward. "It wasn't anything that went wrong. Dr. Torres did a superb job of the operation." She sighed. "Sometimes these things happen, it is rare but they do happen. We don't know why it happens, everything can go fine, but the patient just doesn't wake up."

* * *

><p>"What happened?" Meredith asked as she finished tying up her ER gown and ran to join the others.<p>

"Two hit and run victims." The paramedic informed them as a woman was rolled out of the ambulance. "Alison Hayes, 19 as many as 5 broken ribs and a laceration to the head."

"Karev and Grey, you take Ms Ford." Bailey said motioning towards the woman. Alex and Meredith quickly took the woman from the paramedics and began to wheel her inside. Bailey felt the firm grip on her arm.

"You have to save her; please you just have to save her." Alicia said softly her eyes wide with worry. The sirens whirred and the other ambulance pulled up. Bailey broke her gaze from the woman and hurried over as the doors of the ambulance opened.

"Little Grey, you're with me." Lexie followed quickly behind Bailey grabbing hold of the trolley as they got a run down.

"Alicia Ford, 18 severe head trauma and mass internal bleeding."

"She needs to get to an OR right away." Bailey said as she inspected the girl. "Ah…" Bailey scanned the room. "Lexie, call the OR team. Make they find us an OR and prep it'

"They have an OR," Lexie hung up the phone a few minutes later.

"What kind of a person drives off leaving two 18 year olds dying on the road?" Lexie shook her head in disbelief.

"You'd be surprised how many of them are out there." Bailey barely looked up from her work. Lexie looked up at the monitor.

"BP 90/64 and dropping."

"Crap, push one of eppy." No change. The BP began to fall dangerously low and then the familiar sound of the monitor flat lining.

"We lost the heart beat."

"We have to open her up. Scalpel." Bailey held out her hand. Gripping the scalpel firmly she made a large incision along the woman's chest. "Retractor." She placed the scalpel down, before holding out her hand again. She made the incision wider and Lexie moved in quickly.

"Charge to 200." She said firmly before shocking the heart. Bailey and Lexie both turned to the monitor watching, waiting. Nothing. "Again." Lexie waited for the charge and shocked the heart again. Nothing. "Charge to 300." They stared for a moment before Lexie gave out a sigh of defeat.

"Wait," Bailey watched as the machine gave a quick beep, and then another.

"We got a heartbeat." And they proceeded to work on the body.

* * *

><p>"We did everything we could." Meredith sighed. "We're very sorry but Alison died on the table."<p>

Alicia lay, positioned upright on her bed. She did not moved as she knew it would be too painful, even with the pain killers. She did cry as she took it in, instead letting a single tear fall down her cheek.

"It's funny," Alicia croaked through coarse lips. Lexie who had previously only been half listening as she looked over the chart put down the chart and moved to stand next to Meredith.

"Excuse me?"

"She had held me so tight, as if I were going to drift away in her arms or something. When we were lying on the road, in a pool of my blood waiting for help. She had held me. She told me that I was going to be fine, that I would make it through." Alicia closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly so as to stop the tears. "Maybe I didn't believe her. I was in so much pain I really didn't think I was going to make it, but she would." Her eyes were becoming wet and with a painful groan she wiped them away. "You know why we were out on that road?" Meredith and Lexie were silent. "We were running away. We have catholic parents, like really, really catholic parents and they didn't understand. They wouldn't understand. So we left, we ran away together, I know it sounds corny or something." She sniffled. "But now we will never be together."

* * *

><p>Mr Fisher nodded as he rubbed his daughters arm.<p>

"Shhhhh, its ok baby. Everything is ok. Ok?" Arizona gave a slight nod to Karev who walked slowly over to the life support system. He paused for a moment before he switched it off. Mr Fisher continued to rub his daughters arm whispering things to her until the life left her body and the monitor flat lined. He looked to Karev, who nodded signalling that it was over before he turned off the monitor and left the room, leaving Mr Fisher to grieve alone.

* * *

><p>The rain was falling hard. Not an unusual occurrence in Seattle.<p>

"Mark!" Lexie called as she saw him making his way through the rain to his car. She wasn't going to see him, she wasn't going to give in but she could not help thinking about Alicia and her never being able to be with Alison again.

"Lexie?" Mark squinted his eyes, confused to see her. She left the shelter of the hospital not caring if she got wet. Now that she thinks back on what she remembers (it had all happened so quickly). It had been like a movie she remembered thinking. The way she had ran to him, the way they had kissed so deeply and passionately with the rain falling all around them.

"I don't want to lose you." She whispered to him as he hugged her tightly, the rain dripping from their faces, but they didn't mind.

* * *

><p>Cristina looked at the sleeping baby she held in her arms. She hadn't wanted to, but Owen had insisted that it would help her. Her breaths were slow and heavy as she looked at her. She was so tiny, so fragile. She didn't know how the year had got to this, how any of this had happened. It had all happened so quickly, there was never any time to think about it. The baby stretched out in her arms and her eyes began to open. Cristina worried that she would cry that she had ruined it, done something wrong. The baby's eyes were open now, she had big brown eyes that were looking curiously at the world around her. She kicked her legs in the air in excitement and began making quiet panting and huffing sounds as if it were aerobics. The baby's arms were flailing in the air, she was still only getting used to her body. Her hand managed to find Cristina's. Cristina looked down, Ayla's tiny hand gripped tightly around Cristina's fore finger and she could not help the small smile that appeared on her face.<p>

* * *

><p>Derek leaned against the door frame. He had just got home and had stopped in the doorway upon seeing Meredith and Zola in the living room. Meredith smiled as she handed Zola the blue block to complete her castle. Zola looked to the block castle she had created and then to Meredith. Zola giggled as she flailed her arms in the air bringing the castle crashing to the floor.<p>

"Dadda," Zola squealed as she spied Derek.

"Hey gorgeous," he scooped her up lifting her over his head. Zola squealed in excitement. Derek laughed before bringing her back down to his face level.

"Mwa," he said as he kissed her on the forehead.

"Can you give daddy a kiss back Zola?" Meredith asked, knowing perfectly well that she could.

"Mwa," Zola yelled rather loudly as she planted a very sloppy kiss on Derek's nose. Meredith laughed as Derek wiped the saliva from his nose. Derek put Zola down to kiss Meredith.

"How are my two favourite girls today?"

_**As doctors, we think we know everything about the human brain. We know that in an adult human brain there are around 100 billion neurons and even more brain cells. There are 100,000 miles of blood vessels, a newborn's brain will grow about three times its size in the first year, and so the list goes on. **_

_**And yet we know nothing.**_

_**The human brain is the most extraordinary and complex creation in the universe. Our brain is home to our personality, memories, hopes and our dreams. It conducts the symphony orchestra that is our consciousness, giving us purpose, passion and emotions. **_

_**We cannot begin to comprehend the human mind.**_

_**We will never really know why we do the things we do or feel the way we feel. **_

_**Why some people cheat.**_

_**How some will be on the brink of defeat and still find the strength to crawl their way back.**_

_**Why some forgive easily and others hold tight to their grudges. **_

_**Why, we love.**_

_**A/N: Ok so that is it for this story. I hope you all enjoyed my story. Don't forget to review your thoughts.**_

_**Thank you to all my readers. Until next time, bye :)**_


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